Friday, 10 September 2010

Ultimate Big Brother: The End

I suppose I should say something important about Big Brother. My hits double when it's on, yet my blogs are dashed out; poor quality and bad jokes. But I love it, and I love writing about it. And what will I do when it's gone? I'll have to write about feminism, film, books and music again. But of course, none of those things are as good as Big Brother. Big Brother lasted the whole of my twenties. And now it's gone. Or has it? It's funny, I was talking about Big Brother at work today and people instinctively went 'ugh'. My boss jokingly said 'you wouldn't have passed the interview if I'd known you watched that!' But then two voices spoke, saying 'who do you want to win? 'Do you remember when this happened?' And there it was, the other side, the side who get it. The funny thing is, I don't have to seek people out who like Big Brother. My best friends, my best best friends, all love it, talk about it avidly. We all grew up with it. It's part of our memories, as much as an ex boyfriend, or holiday. No, fuck that, I remember much more about Big Brother than ex boyfriends or holidays. Anyway, that's enough self indulgence.
I just watched BBLB! I'm watching the main show late as waiting for my boyfriend. The music video thing was actually good.
So, has UBB delivered? No, it's actually been quite lacklustre, but it doesn't matter, because it's about nostalgia, and that shouldn't be abrasive. It's been a walk down memory lane. Nadia fell off the path, and that's a shame. But that's the risk you take. Jade Goody showed you that much. Victor could have gone in and done something stupid, and actually he's been a joy. Nikki's mellowed, Bass has mellowed.
On last night's live feed I listened to Victor reel of a list of which Big Brother contestants he'd fuck: it was pretty much EVERYONE, including Charley and Bea (because she said she gave good head) but not Chanelle as she was 'too whiny'. Just where does the man draw the line?!
Anyway, I digress. Oh, also because I'm watching this late I was too late to vote! But I would have voted for Nikki and Victor FTW. I'd love to see them in the final two, although it will never happen.
OMG will we never hear that theme music again? That music has aged well, you know. Ooh, Davina's in red for the first time in 11 years. I think she looks rather nice.
Preston is looking exceptionally greasy today. Oh they are they still trying to squeeze out these Chantelle/Preston dregs? They're over it, we're over it. Let's move on.
I saw Ulrika saying she solely went in for the money and they gave her an offer she couldn't refuse. Which begs the question, why? They could have got Brian Belo for a Nandos voucher. Arseholes.
The eviction crowd looks ugly as fuck, I must say. So these are the booing trolls! Gross.
The funeral is quite a cute idea. I enjoyed those adverts. What will happen to Marcus now? Ofcom, LOL.
IT WAS ELEVEN YEARS, NOT TEN YEARS. (sorry, I've been wanting to say this all day)
ULRIKA OUT FIRST. Please, please, please.
Liked Nikki having a little moment on her own! LOL to James Blunt clearing the room. James Blunt makes me cry too. What a rubbish song. Tired of Chantelle crying now! She'd better not win just because she's crying. I can't stand the sympathy vote.
This behind the scenes thing was OK for five minutes, but they're overdoing it a bit. Get on with the 'victor(tions)!
GOOD! Justice has been done. Ulrika should never have been in there in the first place. A disgraceful decision by the complacent producers. Almost all the celebrities are out now, and that's the right result. Vanessa is ten times the woman Ulrika could ever be! I like what Ulrika's wearing, but that's about it.
Eww Coolio is there! Gross. They shouldn't even have him there, he's an offensive cunt. That is so galling that Coolio is there and Nadia isn't, it's actually disgusting. Bad, bad decision. He was no good the first time round, and he was abhorrent the second time round.
Hope Preston is out next, he's done NOTHING in that house. YES! This is actually going our way. Brills. Preston looks pocket sized. YES! All the celebrities are out now. Cool. His six pack looks OK, though! I do like his Morrissey hair. He's not as fit as he was though, and he's only about 27. He looks very tired.
Preston did a swear. Oops. Ooh he didn't realise that Chantelle still wuvved him. I think he did. He's not stupid. Really awful watching that Chantelle montage. Actually cruel. That's real life, not TV. I think Davina going 'she fancies you' is really quite crass. They promised to love each other forever, and fucked it. It shouldn't be for mass consumption. We didn't even get to see the chat they had today! Swizzed.
I like Naughty Nick better than Nice Nick. Aw Preston seems like a real Big Brother fan.
I reckon Nick or Nikki will go next. I'm glad it's Nick TBH. He could never have won it. He's got his Dating in the Dark jacket on again. He gets to go out the front door this time! Happy days. Here's to you Nasty Nick. Our Nasty Nick shrine used to rule. Those were the days I was still doing speed! *vomit* You are the daddy!
Nick has got a lot to thank Victor for, you know. Victor talked that guy up 24/7 in that house. Bateman!
I'm sure Nick had an interview from Davina before, though. But still nice to see him in the big chair!
Will we never again hear 'you've been plotting a very dirty plan?' Well, I've only heard it 6 billion times. I think it's cool to be called Nasty Nick anyway! So glad they're not taking calls from the scummy public tonight. LOL to Nick slagging Nadia and Davina hushing him!
I'd love Chantelle to go now, but I think it will be Nikki.
Oh no. So sad Victor went then. Him and Nick put so much effort in whilst all those cunts were sleeping. He went the extra mile! Racism! Oh well, at least he outlasted Ulrika, Nick and Preston. Would have been so lovely if he'd won.
No nominations his whole time in the house! LOL. Nick and Vic laughed NON-STOP in that snug! Respect. Vic rebuilt Nasty Nick. Truth. SHAMEFUL they covered up BBLBC. *sadface*
OMG Jade tribute! TWEED! I'm glad they did this, to be honest. They had to, really. She looked good when she went back into that house. I still think she kind of did it for her mum, and that broomstick Tweed. Not such a wise move, as it turned out.
I'll never forget Jade's disgusting rants against Shilpa. I was even blogging that year, and it seems like an eternity ago. And they TOLD HER before she left that she had done a gigantic fuck up. And they should never have done that. If you live by the sword... well, she died by it.
And that's partly why I'm surprised they covered up Coolio-gate, because they hung Jade out to dry that year, so why would they not do the same to Coolio? It leaves a very sour taste that they'd cover ANYTHING up in Big Brother, because it's the exact opposite of everything Big Brother stands for.
They shouldn't show that thing where she got told she had cancer on Big Brother India, that was totally wrong.
Wow, that was really upsetting. Eek, the night I watched Jade's wedding I had to call an an ambulance because I had such bad stomach pains. I thought I was going to die. Bad buzz. Bad memories. Very, very sad. if it could have been her, it could have been anyone you know, and that's just the reality of life. You won't win the lottery; you'll get hit by a fucking bus. Scary, but that's how it goes down.
2nd show! Pull yourself together! I'm having to skip Dermot's last supper for now as I'm two hours behind and keen to see who gets the boot especially as my phone is buzzing even though I SPECIFICALLY TOLD PEOPLE NOT TO TELL ME THE RESULT! Cunts.
Is this Paul Oakenfold remixed by Radiohead? Either way, it's a fucking din.
I want Nikki to win. She's getting a massive cheer! SHIT Chantelle went before Nikki! Sweet. So happy for Nikki. She is a classic housemate. This is ALMOST right, except for Victor's early exit.
Did Davina just look at an imaginary watch?
Preston looking uncomfortable during the interview! Very sad. People don't get married for a magazine deal, believe it or not, cynics. Uh, Coolio is SCUM. Even the mere mention of him is making me FURIOUS. Nadia was a billion times the housemate he ever was, and I could barely stand her in her year.
Shit! Is this it! Fack. Didn't want Brian to win. Wanted Nikki to get it. I like Brian, but zzz. He invested nothing of himself this year, he just trotted out a few lines and sailed through. Victor was fighting for his life every night!
Nikki's come dressed as Dot Cotton tonight. She looked better on Wednesday with her red lipstick on!
Nikki pulls the best faces in HISTORY. Fact.
Does Brian actually win anything? I hope he didn't expect to win. It just felt to me, like he did.
OMG that band is shit. Brian actually got some fireworks. I don't think they gave Josie any. I wonder how she would have done, but we'll never know.
I do like Brian, but I find him a little superficial. What's at the heart of him? I don't know, but my boyfriend is happy! He just called him a Big Brother behemoth! LOL.
Ha to Brian having a crush on Victor! They would make a great couple.
And here's to the people I liked who they erased from airbrushed from BB history: Craig Coates, Helen Adams, Science, Derek, Ziggy, Marcus, Freddie, Maxwell & Saskia. And who I didn't like, but seems to have been erased: Kate Lawler.
I like this 'Time to say goodbye' video. It's like a Killers video! I like the symmetry of Josie (the end) and Craig (the start). Josie does look like Angel for some reason. I like John James's eyeliner running. Cute.
Davina-tage! Davina is marmite. I hate her mostly, but I feel affection for her just because of the show. She's like an annoying aunt. Nasty Nick looks EXACTLY THE SAME 11 years ago!
Ok I cracked and cried! Where was Russell!? He could have done a little VT, the bugger. Ballbags.
I love those numbskulls. This blog was a long 'ting! Stick with me! I'll be watching shit TV all winter long. Let's hope BB rises from the dead. Big Brother will get back to us? Stay tuned.

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