I confess, I used to have a bit of a crush on Matthew Alwright. It's cos he reminded me a bit of Jarvis Cocker; come on squint a bit, you can see it. He's a bit jowly since he left Watchdog though; and what the fuck is that other dude on Rogue Traders about? Are they having it off? He does nothing! He just grunts a bit. It's weird! Is he meant to be funny? He's just peculiar.
The first guy they spied on this week was a TV aerial repair man; a subject I can relate to as I was told I needed to pay £150 for a new aerial a couple of weeks ago; not so. Still, mine wasn't as bad as this guy, who poured Red Bull all over the old dear's carpet and said there was a leak which had knackered her aerial, then chucked the Red Bull can in her conifer bush! Matt fished it out later.
Oh my God, they ARE meant to be funny, aren't they? You can't mix funny with consumer issues! You don't see Nicky Campbell joshing around with ticket touts, and people selling toxic sofas. He doesn't stand for that shit!
Next they 'investigated' some loon with a chainsaw who tried to cut a branch of a tree off with a chainsaw that he was leaning on. Nice!
Then Matt dressed up as a tree and made a joke about asking some to 'leave'. Hohoho.
Finally Matt confronted the Red Bull dude... who made a very sharp exit.
It was about this time I realised this was a special double episode of Rogue Traders. I wondered why I was getting so bored. So yeah, some more stuff happened. Then there was some more poor comedy. Matt, you're no Larry David. Stick to the ISSUES.
So yeah, there really is nothing on telly this week.