Sunday, 17 August 2008

The Perfect Vagina

Lisa Rogers! I haven't seen her for a while. But here she is, back from the wilderness, saying the word 'fanny'. Nice. Actually, she came across very well.
Now watch my hit rate rocket as I use 25 different words for vagina. She looked mega embarrassed every time she had to get her fanny out (in the name of research, naturally).
Designer vaginas! It's a good rhyme. 'Trimmed labia': what a wonderful phrase. Like cutting a hedge, except it's your fucking FLESH. Personally I'd rather chuck acid on my own eyes than go for a bikini wax, so I definitely wouldn't like to get my vadge out for a plastic surgeon to take scissors to. In fact: that sounds like the very definition of insanity. Who LOOKS at their own vagina anyway (unless you think there's something wrong with it?) What kind of freak spends any amount of time with a mirror between their legs, panicking that their fanny looks funny. Get a fucking XBox or something.
I liked Lisa' refer to her bits as her twinkle. Names for female privates are either grossly offensive (cunt) or ridiculous (punarni, anyone?) I tend to go with vagina or fanny, and fanny is the least sexy word on earth.
So they didn't knock out this girl when they cut her labia off. BLERGH! She's either steadfastly brave or certifiable. That must have hurt a bit.
BEEF CURTAINS! I haven't heard that for a while.
Operating on a girl whilst she's shaking with fear seems immoral to me. The girl who wanted her hymen sewed up was a sad case; if her parents would really kill her over that, then Christ. Where's the love?
What was that weird fanny-showing club? That was mental. Women sitting round showing people their bits is absolutely nutso. That's not a support group. I notice we didn't get to see Lisa's.
And that was about it for the fanny-fest. I don't think many people can be offering themselves up for this kind of surgery, anyway. I didn't learn very much. But come on pervs, click on my blog by accident. I need some new readers.


Shep said...

'Pussy'. There's something reassuringly seventies that works for me.

One ex used to call it her 'Nunnie', or her 'Biff'. Nice.

And another called it her 'Khus'. I still don't know where that one comes from...

Red said...

I missed this one. I was too busy watching another cunt (sorry, sometimes it IS the only word) make a tit of himself on Wife Swap. If you caught it, I'd like to read your review of that!

* (asterisk) said...

I think I'm sooo glad I missed this.

lightupvirginmary said...

Hold on, I've been slogging my guts out blogging BB and no one cares, I write about vaginas and suddenly you're all here! ;-)
Shep: pussy! I can't even say that words, there's something about it that creeps me right out. I think I must have watched a dodgy foreign porno at an impressionable age.
Red- I taped Wife Swap- will watch tonight and blog if it gets me angry enough! :-)

* (asterisk) said...

BB is dead, sista! Even you hate it.