Big Brother 8: If Carole's Happy, Everyone's Happy

Oh, if only it were true, Ziggy. As it is, no one's happy. The rot is setting in now. Liam has turned from a harmless Northern tree surgeon to a smug, cocky boorish twat. Brian has gone from bumbling joker to retarded sex pest. Carole: harmless granny to the devil incarnate. Ziggy: Mr Smooth to twitchy, duplicitous pensioner. Twins: shrieking lolitas to impassive mannequins. Tracey: gargoyled-faced cliche generator to... ah. Kara and Jonty have not been in there long enough to change. But they've always been a one-way ticket to dullsville.
The joke telling thing was shite. Big Brother fake laughed at Liam's rubbish joke. I can't stand jokes or people who tell jokes. It's like magic. Just go away. (I knew Ziggy's handjob joke. It's alright. He didn't tell it very well)
Brian was labouring the whole 'I don't win things' a little too much. What's that you say, Brian? You don't win things! Why then I must crown you the winner of Big Brother! Blah.
Carole shit-stirring about Liam and Sam was gross. The way she did it was sly as fuck. Sam looked completely confused. It's particularly horrible because it will make them paranoid about hanging out/ cuddling etc, when it's obvious it's completely harmless.
Brian to Amanda: 'Is it not hard living with someone you're attracted to?' Yes it probably is, but unfortunately for you, it's not you, Brian. There is NOTHING TO DO in the Big Brother house. If she fancied you she'd be snogging your face off. Just leave it now before she gets a restraining order. Hint: when Amanda says 'Funny!' she means 'Fuck off!' Sam crying was sad, it was like seeing a kitten get run over. When she said 'I miss him dead loads lately' it was heartbreaking! We actually saw a real emotion from her. Carole knew exactly what it was about.
Jonty naked!!! What the hell was that all about? It was like he was gagging Kara-Louise to look at his willy. URGH! No need, Jonty, no need!