Big Brother 2014: Launch Show (again)

Evening! I'm going to try and be more positive tonight. Tee hee!
I've decided I like the wanker in the box the best. Let's face it, it's a power move being up there, as everyone has to come out and talk to you, no matter how much he gripes. They should have just picked one of the boxes up in a crane and thrown it over the Borehamwood borders. He's clearly a complete bastard but I love a sarky posho.
Mark: 'I'm not having this.' Fine, don't have the five grand, then. I liked Pauline mimicking him.
Matthew was hardly 'completely excluded', people were talking to him all night.
Pauline to Matthew: 'You'll get over it.' Matthew: 'You will be sorry.' Matthew is not taking it in very good humour.
Winston and Steven sizing up the women like they're prize cattle. This pair are unbearable. They make the metrosexual empty brainboxes of of series' past like Dale, Kris and Luke S look likeable. Hair watch: Steven has a comb over, and who knows what's going on with Winston's head. The amount of plucked male eyebrow in that house is upsetting.
Bidet talk! Very posh.
Andrew: 'People always have bad impressions of me.' Why could that be, I wonder, as he sits there sulking and frowning at everyone, whilst making veiled threats and adding 'just kidding'?
Who does Danielle model for, the Innovations catalogue? She looks like fucking Grotbags. Ugly inside and out.
Tamara looks like a not-much-younger Katie Hopkins in her memory wall pic.
Matthew 'wouldn't even want the power.' OK then.
Who's pissed on the toilet seat!? Christopher! That was a short whodunnit. I suppose it's good he admitted it, but why do that?! Gross. If there's ever poo on the loo seat, he's the prime suspect.
Tamara is finding Danielle and Helen 'monotonous'. It's the first night! Her type is 'good looking and stupid'. Unlucky on both counts in there, then.
LOL to Danielle putting a dampener on Kimberly wanting to get naked. Spoilsport!
Stockbroker talk with Winston and Danielle. High brow. She likes a real 'man's man.' Why the fuck is she talking to this walking douche-monger then?
Steven looking Kimberly up and down as he's talking to her. Ugh. Steven: 'I've been to 190 countries.' Chat up line of the year.
Kimberly: 'I wouldn't say I'm intelligent but I've just finished my Masters.' Way to insult yourself. Guessing people's age! Dangerous.
Pauline is quite shrewd saying she's only got the power for one night. But how long can she get away with that?
OMG Pauline gets to give a new housemate a pass to the BB final! So whoever she picks, we have to put up with them all summer. I hope she doesn't give it to Mark, I'm finding him a bit fake. It's a bit unfair on the second lot as she's not met them. Would it have been better if she'd got to kick one out? Pauline needs to keep Matthew because she could beat him at the end. Strategy! She's bound to give it to someone she's bonded with over the past 24 hours. I trust her decision more than most.
New housemates! Toya. The UK's Ika (BB Canada reference for you there). 'Momma didn't raise no fool.' She's got 'dictatorish' tendencies. I like Toya, she's not going to take any prisoners. She has a 'different personality for each of her weaves.' I hope she takes some of these 'first night' girls down.
Chris is in next. 'I'm going to be a right misery in the house.' Great opening line. Pound shop Dom Joly. He's gonna 'urinate in the kitchen.' Sandy's already done that. He seems like a 'normal person.' Ugh, Chris is creeping up to Emma. I'm glad she gave him the cheek. We're getting Jack and Joe's dad vibes here.
Next in is Ashleigh. Oh no, Northern Irish accent. I can't deal with it. Pretty, though. The other girls (Tamara and Danielle) will hate her.
This lot already seem like a better bunch than last night. Mind you, you could put the Westboro Baptist Church lot in there and they'd probably be more charming than Danielle, Matthew and Steven. They'd have the signs ready made for outside, too.
Is Pauline getting to see the VTs (technical talk) too?
Next in is Marlon. He works 'in optics.' Is that opticians or behind a bar? 'Marlicio'. How can he be straight wearing that studded vest? I can't bear all these metrosexuals. It really signals to me the end of humanity. Men should be hairy and a bit dirty. I would rather go celibate than sleep with a man that uses hairspray, has skinny jeans or plucks his eyebrows.
Next housemate! Ash is a male model. 90s hair. Is that in vogue? He's like Ziggy 2.0. It's not you, it's me. I like the zoom in on the boat shoes. All boat shoes should be incinerated, all in one huge bonfire, tonight. Start gathering them up. Quicker!
Jale is the last house mate in. Oh great, a gobby fat person. She's taking healing crystals into the house. Wolfy times!
Pauline IS getting to see the VTs! Interesting. That's a LOT of power. Minority report times!
Why does Pauline like Ash so much? He was talking just as much smack. I had a suspicion she would pick Helen. It will give her a chance to show that she's more than just someone who slept with Wayne Rooney too. I wonder who her other choice would have been?
I suppose it would be frightening to be given a free pass to the final in a way as you'll never know if you're liked. But then again! She'll have a big target on her back, but it don't matter. She can just treat everyone like shit and they can't evict her! Bhahaha.
Aw that's so cute that Pauline and Helen crying. They are obviously genuine people.
OMG Pauline is going to be able to nominate the same person every week! I'm not sure about that. Unless it's Danielle. I suppose if she nominates a big enough arsehole they will go anyway.
So I guess the moral of the story is: be nice to Pauline. And if you haven't already; be very afraid.

Big Brother 2014 Launch show: Power trip

Hey! I've forgotten how to write a blog. I'm drunk from the get go, which is folly as the only way to go is down. Still, I'll give it a go. I've done it for enough years! A friend of mine is at the launch show. I will be scaling the crowd for his lovely face. Ah, the familiarity of the crowd noise and the theme tune. It's like a comfort blanket.
The power is in our hands! If you say so. Remember once on BBUS when the clue to the question was 'the power is up for grabs?' WE DO. It was hard.
Ooh look at the house, it looks all day glo. I don't look at the pictures early, I prefer to see it on the night. I don't see the point of a toilet that washes you. There's no camera in the loo anyway.  House looks quite good. That was a really short house tour, which is good.
DR chair does look good, I must admit, looks like something from Alton Towers.
Tamara is the first housemate: 'I revel in power and control.' Eh? She's like some cunt from The Apprentice. She doesn't like housewives and men are disposable. She's happy to backstab or be ruthless, lol. Boooooo!
Ugh, BB is telling me what to hashtag. Get to fuck. Tamara is bringing brains and beauty. What about the brawn? 'Hates veggies, animal rights people and the unemployed.' Cut to Swampy entering the house.
What's Emma Willis wearing!? Looks like Julie Chen's cast offs.
Mark is in next. He's a visual merchandiser. Yellow jacket. What? HD brows. LOL. His accent is bugging. Someone went 'whatever' when he walked in. Enough said. He gave Tamara a super fake hug. They both look like a right pair of arseholes.
Next in is Helen. Another wannabe. Oh she fucked Wayne Rooney. Why is she in the normal version, doesn't that make her a 'celeb', ha? I hope they have some normal people. I don't want all these fake people. People aren't booing her that bad. She likes animals! Don't tell Tamara. LOL to her and Tamara wearing virtually the same dress.
Next is Steven. Another Apprentice contestant! I get the power thing but yawn. He's got the car. He's got the house. He's got the ankle swingers. He's got the paperwork. He's got the sunglasses. He's 23 going on 40. A posh Jay Mcray.
One housemate to rule them all! Will it be Danielle? I doubt it. Another businesswoman! Doesn't believe in sex before marriage or same sex marriage. A thick cunt then. And ugly, too. Claims to have the 'moral high ground.' Self proclaimed moral high ground is always dangerous. She's come as a fucking leprechaun. If she had to eat one food forever it would be caviar or lobster. Can't add up to one.
Next is Winston. He's a 'bit more smarter'. Why are they are business people?! Bugging. 'Fit birds' - ugh. This seems like the worst cast in a long time. It's quite nightmarish so far. Alan Sugar would kick these slippery little mugs into touch.
Matthew doesn't like thick people. Unlucky! 'Well everyone has cleaners, don't they?' Loafers. Cardie. Rude to waiters. My favourite! He's actually the most interesting so far. He looks like he could do with a good meal. He's got no arse. I think he wants to walk in the snow and not leave a footprint. He looks really nervous and green.
Next in is Kimberly. Never trust someone who can't spell their own name. American, Playboy model and business brain. What is military theory? She might be a master strategist. Where's the thickos and the geeks?
Christopher seems more normal than the others. Did he say he was a dairy farmer and a journalist, or am I tripping? He hates people who are devoid of personality. I love them. His idols are Madonna and John Snow. Maybe he likes jazzy socks. He reminds me of Aaron.
Pauline is the last housemate of the night aged 49. At least she's different to the others in that she's a rapper and not a faux business twat. She did the crap rap on Shocked by Kylie. That was a bad album.
I don't like Big Brother when there's no one I can get behind, I don't enjoy it (see Big Brother Canada 2).
I don't want to vote for one housemate to have the power but at a push and against the clock, I voted for Christopher. It was him or Matthew.
My TV isn't letting me pause which is annoying, as I have 5% free. What's the deal!
Jazzy P has got the HOH key! She can't understand simple instructions, though. Hold on, who the fuck is Iris? It's like POD on Snog, Marry, Avoid.
Pauline, punish Danielle! I think she'll make the right decision, she seems quite sensible. She's rewarding Mark, I thought she would, she laughed when he spoke. She chose to punish Matthew as he said he was intolerant, and I think she heard that as racist, which is fair enough! I don't like that room she's in, it looks duff, like Knightmare.
They have to step inside two boxes. My boyfriend predicts one as gunk and one as grab a grand. Matthew and Mark are having an eyebrow off! Mark should have to grab the cash. TARGET!
Matthew is getting sent to solitary confinement! He's gotta do a Dan Gheesling and turn it to his advantage. 
So six more housemates tomorrow night. Let's hope we get some nice people, for fuck's sake. These arseholes don't look like they have a sense of humour between them.
Well the twist wasn't too offensive, but wasn't exactly original either. Bring on tomorrow. Unimpressed so far, but that means nothing. See you on Spreaker (I hope!)