Monday, 12 March 2012

My Phone Sex Secrets

Here's my phone sex secret; after I left university and no one would employ me, I saw an ad in the paper for phone sex line work, and sent off for the application form. I've still got the application form somewhere but it was enough to put me off. You had to create an elaborate character for yourself and grin and bear it when men were disgusting animals. I had neither the spine nor the vocabulary for it.
It's a bit like volunteering for Samaritans, which I've toyed with; I don't actually have the balls to be on the coal-face, one to one with the uncensored reality of suicide or spunk (and sometimes the two aren't that far apart). I'm not cut out for it. It's customer service, really, isn't it? I can't say 'have a nice wank.' I'd just want to laugh.
And for phone sex at £8 an hour, it wasn't worth it. But I admire those who are ballsy enough to do it. I like the fact the girls on this programme are having a laugh with it, and basically taking the piss out of men. It's acting, I suppose, but I'm not great at acting.
I love the fact they're all doing mundane stuff around the house or in the supermarket taking these calls. I love the housewife who's all matter-of-fact and painting the wall whilst the bloke jerks off. Her accent is so unsexy, too, she's like someone off Corrie or something, it's so British.
I'm not sure I even consider this 'sex work'; you don't have to touch anyone or emotionally commit. It seems more like a game and quite harmless.
I like the dominatrix one and how she's so polite at the end. I kind of feel like she shouldn't be giving away all her secrets like about the sound effects and stuff. She's ruining the mystery! I wanted more of that stuff though, like squishy noises and clanking about. I like the charade.
I understand the point about it skewing your view of men, but if you don't know that the majority of men are sex-obsessed then you don't know much. Men masturbate: and so do women. There; the world didn't end at that revelation.
If I did have the balls to do it, or was desperate enough, I wouldn't have a problem doing sex chat whilst in a relationship. It's not cheating. It's not a relationship. It's a paid fantasy.
I thought it was a bit weird when the woman met a client and started dating him though; surely that's against every rule in the book and something of a safety risk? Mind you, is it any different to meeting someone online? I don't know.
Bonus points: My hits for this blog should rocket with all these sex tags. Sadly, the people stumbling across my blog are going to be bitterly disappointed. Hey ho!

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