Even though I haven't mentioned it so far in my blogular I have been following American Idol, in spite of the fact it's a personality-free zone. The songs are also weird country/ MOR shit we've never even heard of this side of the free world. The contestants are boring fuckers. Simon Cowell is like Simon Cowell replicated in a Crimewatch reconstruction. 110%? Check! Karaoke! Check! Cruise ship caberet? Check! Child being forced to stand up sing at a garden party? Check!
Randy has stopped saying 'dawg/ in the dawg pound/ a'ight' and therefore is pointless except for being a kind of male Oprah Winfrey yo-yo dieter sideshow attraction. Paula is constantly drunk and pointless.
Tonight I'd read that Cowell rolled his eyes when Chris made a comment about the Virginia massacre and rightly predicted they'd cut it out. Sadly Simon didn't realise we have You Tube, so we watched it anyway. I was less fussed about Simon's eye-rolling and more concerned about Chris 'twitchy' Richardson's blatant sympathy-vote pulling opportunistic display of shoehorning in 'I lost a lot of friends'. Really? Name them. Call me cynical. But I'd rather be a heartless cunt than a naive sheep. Next week it could be a dying grandma to distract from his dreadful singing. Who knows.
Worse than all of this, including mass murder, is Cat 'stroke victim' Deeley's insipid links. If you're a man and you fancy her, seek help: half her face is sliding off. This is a woman who would probably greet the news of being diagnosed with terminal cancer with a sugary 'Fantastic!'
Seriously, drop dead, you pathetic bitch.
Disclaimer: I was drunk when I wrote this but its still true.