Karthik is on the mic doing more of his c-raps. Chad making him say 'titty sprinkles'! Chad has some amusing turns of phrase.
Sam is flirting with Jemma in the shower. She's getting her arse out for airtime but has her hand over her vagina, so that's decorum, at least.
God, Marissa has a sexy voice. She's putting Barry in Ian Terry from BBUS's old dog suit (they obviously picked that up at the yearly conference).
Sam is wanking off about getting to speak to Jordan again. 'I want to hold you... I'm wearing your old boxers.' Um... ick? Their enthusiasm for each other is annoying. Glad they got split up, but wish we'd kept Jordan instead of Sam and his broom of doom (and I don't mean Jemma).
Sam and Amelia's staged date. Not exactly Surly the fish with Ed and Jade from BBAU, is it? He never did play those cards, did he? Probably still got them in his back pocket as we speak.
I disagree with this task on the principle that Amelia has feelings for Sam and him and Jordan are making a dick out of her. Mean.
Sam: 'She felt the prick in my ear.' That's no way to talk about Jordan. Did dummy Amelia really not know he was on a task until she saw the earpiece?
Why is Jordan allowed to counsel Sam in the DR? Is this part of the task?! Dumb. Kind of funny in a way that Amelia was mocking Chad and Sarah but at least they get off with each other and appear to have some sort of drink-laced feelings, or at least attraction. Sam doesn't even want to touch Amelia. I realise I've just felt three different ways about Amelia in three paragraphs, which is quite a feat considering how dull she is.
Uh oh, Chad is getting in trouble for making eggs and mince. Chad loves to eat. 'Goddamn these people are fucked in the head.' Weeellll. Amelia: 'You can't say people are fucked in the head, that's really mean.' He can if it's true.
Jemma is being psychotic. Chad is not allowed to snack! He only wants a tiny lunch. Hope he's not mincemeat by the end of this episode.
Jemma saying he's 'a selfish little prick with a little prick, we all seen it in your Taco outfit.' We all seen - I mean, saw - it in bed the other night when Sarah was rubbing it, too. Aw, poor Chad and his little Johnson.
Brandi is now shitstirring over the airwaves. Calling Derek out for saying bad things about Jemma. Derek said he said it in the first week. Brandi: 'Bitch, you're lying.' He said it in the Vault!
Brandi going 'no conferring, it's cheating' to Sarah, haha. Chad going 'you're playing your American reality TV card' again, haha. Brandi: 'I'm pushing buttons, I'm pushing yours right now.'
Brandi is being brutal! I like it. I don't agree with what she's saying to Jemma, though. Jemma can be friends with Sam. They're not that flirty. I think they're fine. It's weird when Sam says they're 'basically the same person.' I bet his parents don't agree.
Amelia coming into the convo: 'Is it about me?' No it isn't. PS: You look gormless. Barry: 'They're just shooting the breeze.'
Woo, Dangerous Danan is back. He's making them point and laugh at people they think will be evicted next. Is this the new face to face nominations?
Chad to Jemma: 'Everything about you is shitty, your aura is shitty. If you were a Spice girl, you'd be shitty Spice.' This went down very well on Twitter. Jemma actually looked a bit hurt.
I really wouldn't kiss Jemma or Sarah just because Paul told me to. Desperate!
Oh all the other housemates have come back in now. It's not exactly Raph and Chanelle reunited, is it? Karthik to Chad: 'They can't show anything you haven't said or done.' Ha!
Paul: 'It's one of the best Big Brothers' ever.' What year did he start watching? Halfway through 2017?
Sarah: 'We've not done the deed.' Paul: 'It didn't look like just a kiss. In the toilets it looked like you were banging.'
Sarah: 'I swear down. We've obviously had a grope.' So Sarah remembers rubbing Chad's dick! I guess it was for airtime after all, then. She can't really complain then, can she?
Amelia is getting relationship advice from Paul Danan. End of days. He's discussing Sam's indiscretions on Made in Chelsea, haha. Harsh! Paul was watching it at 2.30 in the morning. Sniff!
Marissa is bagging out Jordan! Why! Look at Marissa's caged boobs with her nipples showing! She's sexy! Did she go out with Calum Best that night? If so, grim. Jordan pretending he's not slept with anyone outside the house, ha. RIP to Jordan and Marissa's magazine deal. That's 20K down the swanny.
Brandi is telling Amelia what's what with Sam. Brandi: 'He even jokes about it... about how all in you are.' Amelia: 'That's a prick move.'
Why is Amelia wearing a kimono? Ken Barlow? Now she's crying and saying she's not desperate. This is great for her game! A bit of sympathy!
Amelia: 'You've made my experience in here.' Sam: 'You've made half of mine... you, Jordan, a bit Gemma, and Paul.' Let me just fetch my calculator, because that doesn't quite add up.
Amelia: 'I think you've just met me at the wrong time.' Um. Sam: 'I think that's a very good way to end it.' Dodged a bullet there, didn't he? JOKES. Prick.
Jordan and Sam, no one gives a fuck about your friendship! Get lost. Why are the ex housemates doing stirring speeches! Stupid. Get out! We evicted you. Meet you outside the Holiday Inn!
Backdoor eviction time! Barry got the boot. Someone ruined it on Twitter about 15 minutes ago. Should have known people couldn't keep their mouths fucking shut. I'm not bothered about Barry going, but he deserves it more than Derek, Amelia or Sam. I'm still baffled how Derek has lasted this long.
Imagine if Chad or Sarah had gone out like that with no interview?! Not even any handcuffs ala Jamie O Hara! No Emma coming into the house! What a dud. It's so half arsed. Did they run out of budget? Spent it all on the marble laminate in the Vault? So do we have to sit through a Barry interview tomorrow now, when there's still six people left in the house? I hope it's gonna be a long show or they're gonna have to evict these motherfuckers in threes.
Oh well, hopefully Sam will be coming out sixth now. My dream order to go out would be Sam, Amelia, Derek, Sarah, Jemma, Chad. So wait for that to not happen!
I'm busy tomoz so won't be blogging but we'll be podding on Saturday (our most recent one is here) and going through all the last few days of horror and the no doubt outrageous outcome. I just wanna see Chad beat Sarah. And Jemma beat Sarah. And Sarah's face. But I do think Sarah deserves to be in the top three. She's done a lot in there and has been very entertaining. I keep reading it's a dud year, but I've enjoyed it with no Geordie Shore idiots ruining my experience.
Enjoy the final! See you on the other side.