Friday, 30 August 2013

Celebrity Big Brother 2013: We don't, Ron, Ron, Ron

I hope Ron goes tonight! He's deadwood. I'm surprised Louie is getting cheered, he's horrid. I'm glad Courtney's getting cheered. Are they chanting Charlotte? Must be fans of scat.
I hate celebrities saying they don't want to be there. Are they that hard up for celebrities in there?
Sophie is such a bossy cow. I'd tell her to stick it. Why should they tidy up? They're only in there three weeks. I think Sophie is going to stab Lauren. The way she's talking to her is like a woman on the edge.
The task generator machine is funny. Louis is not amused by Les's life story. The fish slapping was quite funny. The other housemates looked disturbed.
Lauren didn't look too impressed with Courtney's singing. Thought she was her BFF? Why did Mario choose Courtney to dance with?!
Lauren blackmailing Courtney to take her to the party was hilarious. Ha, she choose Screech! Funnies.
Look at Courtney's husband! He looks like a hobo. I can see where Lauren got her hair from. Check out her mum! LOL to her saying she's saving for an operation. Sympathy vote! Ron's grandson has got some bad highlights going on. We're waiting to see 'Ron's true side' and him get thrown out of the house. These friends and family are decrepit.
Bruce has got a fish-slap induced headache. Health and safety! Codswallop. That was actually quite funny for this TOWIE gormster.
Courtney telling Lauren she 'did her a favour' by not inviting her to the party. Hehe. It would be a drain having Lauren wrapped round you all the time, she does a wicked line in emotional blackmail. I'd be keen to have some time away from her. Courtney is so polite.
Carol and Louie are soooo bitter. Louis did some quite good one liners, though. I wish they'd say what annoyed them about each other. But that's now how they operate, is it?
Dustin's pumpkin tattoo! Agog. That was hilarious when they were dancing to Taylor Swift and Lauren walked off. Too cruel. Courtney, your nipples are hanging out.
Louis could not be more at odds with his 'persona' if he tried. What a grumpy bastard.
OMG Courtney, put your boobies away! This is like the American Geordie Shore right here. What a mess. Still, I don't resent her for it.
Lauren is doing a Misery on Courtney. My boyfriend said it's like Anthony and Craig and the wetsuit all over again. What pills is Lauren giving Courtney? WTF is a stomach tablet?
Why did Courtney act like she had taken the pills when she didn't? This is weird and creepy. What could these tablets be? Charlotte is actually being quite caring tonight. She's quite patient with Lauren, really.
What is Sophie going on about 'it's illegal'? She should know about illegal drugs! Look at Carol winding the situation up. How is it illegal!?
Sophie DOES think she knows everything. Ha, 'Carol thinks you do.' Carol is lying and shit stirring! What a bitch. Carol did say it! Haha, 'I wasn't winding her up.' That's the biggest joke I've heard.
Lauren is being quite funny in her own nutty way. I like seeing her get mad.
The two safe are Charlotte and Lauren! I want it to be Courtney safe. Haha, Lauren is popular. Love it.
Why is Les shouting at Lauren?! Cos she's hiding in the toilet? I don't blame her. The fish thing wasn't a big deal but I didn't like him shouting like that.
Oh, STFU, Sophie. Just stop talking. Imagine what she was like on the charlie!
Why is Lauren shaky? I think Lauren is always shaky. She's not all there. Bruce shouldn't shout at her like that. Aw, she doesn't see the outside world. Lucky her.
Louie in comforting mode isn't exactly reassuring! Lauren isn't 'used to people'. Lucky her!
Wouldn't it be funny if Louie went? LOL, they're chanting get Sophie out and she's not even up! She's going to be pissed off.
Fuck you, Ron, being happy to go. Don't bother going in there if you hate it so much! Ha, him falling up the stairs was the best thing he did in the house. Ha, then he tried to go out via the Diary Room! What a doddery old sod. I knew all those doors were confusing. At least we've lost two of the most boring housemates first. Good old vote to save. Note to producers: please ask celebrities if they want to be there before they go in, otherwise what's the point spending the money on them? Like, how much did they pay this old sod? I'm glad that Courtney didn't go over this git.
The only thing funny in Ron's interview was calling Carol a 'loose cannon'.
Emma has not got a very good grasp on this interview. Ron has not got a good grasp on the words 'quick fire'. This is painful. As my boyfriend just said, 'he don't want to be there, we don't want him there.'
Ron, you're less popular than Lauren. Deal with it.

Thursday, 29 August 2013

Celebrity Big Brother 2013: There is a pecking order

I HATE ALL THESE PEOPLE. I've never seen such a self-centred, poisonous house. I also hated the way Danielle kept going 'you'll see that on tomorrow's show' about boring stuff she did that won't get shown today. She won't be missed!
Louie is so rude. Danielle is rude too, but she's gone, so who cares? He's earning money by being in Big Brother, you dickhead.
Abz is a waste of space as a housemate. They should have sent any other member of Five in there. The gay one. Billie Piper's ex. The missing one. The cardboard cut out one. The psycho one. Any one but this one.
What's Carol, the fucking food police? I'd tell her to get to fuck if she was telling me what to eat. How does her boyfriend put up with her?
Courtney's body is so weird! She's like an alien. She's like a human cartoon. She must weigh about three stone and two stone of that is her boobs.
Louie: 'She's gone to me already' about Danielle. He's nasty but I have to agree.
How much is Lauren's evil eye ring worth, that's what I want to know! What the hell was the point in that antiques task? No one knows.
Danielle doesn't deserve The Killers to be played over her eviction.
Louie: 'There is a pecking order. I've been on Jonathan Ross twice.' Don't get me wrong, it's funny, but the ego of the man! Is that really why he took against Danielle? Pathetic.
Why did Ron get to make all the big decisions in the DR, or almost, anyway? Lauren's pink fluff is divine. She's like part burlesque, part grandma, part corpse.
Take that pecking order, Louie. Pretend you don't mind. He'll be safe anyway. What's Sophie 'so happy' about?
Ron, that was not a compliment to Lauren and she knows it. Don't play the doddery old bloke card.
Nominations! Louie put Janice up. Is he confident to go up against her? Remember the pecking order, Louie! Ooh, Ron, too. Ron will never go.
Lauren having a go at Ron. She's so strange! She really is. And it's not about her being transgender. She's just very eccentric.
Bruce put up Charlotte - he didn't even know her name! He's right about her being rude, though, that's for sure. He also put Lauren up! Why is he worrying about her? She's a grown woman!
Why is Mario nominating Courtney cos he can't fuck her and Lauren cos he doesn't want to fuck her. 'It's not a care home.' Are you sure?
Why is Charlotte nominating Dustin?! The most inoffensive man ever. And Lauren for being messy! AT LEAST SHE DOESN'T PISS THE FUCKING BED, YOU HYPOCRITE. What a joke.
Sophie has clearly got a grudge against Courtney. Aw, poor Lauren. The messy excuse is a cop out.
Dustin nominated Courtney! Where's the USA solidarity?! Boo. He also put Charlotte up. Good. She won't go though. I hope it's not Lauren vs Charlotte vs Courtney, though.
Lauren's pink nightie is proper granny. Where does she get her clothes? The votes are quite split, aren't they? No votes for Carol yet! You've got to be shitting me.
Ooh, Abz did Carol. Abz, that's not an accent you've got, it's an affectation. Why is everyone nominating Courtney?
Courtney nommed Charlotte for being lairy and Sophie for giving her intimidating looks.
Ron is giving Dustin a football manager roasting. Well, ish.
Carol nommed Lauren. Is everyone really nominating Lauren for being untidy? She also nommed Ron, too. Good. 'Since he was saved by the public for the first time...' Wasn't that about five minutes ago?
Charlotte is upset about the noms. Lauren is like an emotionally blackmailing mum who you've told to stop ringing you one time too many.
How is Sophie not up? She dodged a bullet there. Yeah, Charlotte, this isn't Geordie Shore, and we don't appreciate your scatological behaviour in the BB house.
How is Carol not up? 'She's just a Geordie slag' is such a horrible and unkind thing to say. Carol doesn't see any of her own faults. She's just a poisonous person and an old dog. She makes Denise Welch look jovial and friendly.
Screech: 'There's a storm coming.' Yeah, it's on your t-shirt. Save Lauren and Courtney!

Wednesday, 28 August 2013

Celebrity Big Brother 2013: A mystery favour... but a boring eviction

So an eviction already. Funny how fast Celeb BB goes. It's such a boring three up, though, I can barely be bothered to care. It's like an old people's home in there at the moment. I like the older housemates, but not OAPs sitting on the smoking bench carping and killing time. It's dull, dull, dull, especially after the razzle dazzle of Dexter and Gina. And this lot are meant to be the celebs.
Loving Emma's lipstick. She's obsessed with monochrome right now, though. She's going to struggle to make this eviction seem interesting. Wish I had a drink. Who would vote to save Danielle? I'd rather vote to save a poke in the eye.
Ugh I forgot about this monster weeing the bed. She's so disgusting she makes me feel physically sick. Why is Courtney sitting on the bed that Charlotte has pissed in? 'Do you want to see?' No, I don't. Why aren't the people in the house more disgusted? This woman is an animal. I don't watch those shows for a reason; they're base and puerile. Do you think they have spare mattresses or they just flip it? Get Very on the phone.
Fucking hell, man, what's Lauren been smoking? Those are some bloodshot eyes. You don't see much interaction between Charlotte and Lauren, do you? They're probably both horrified by each other.
Sophie: 'Abz is very insightful.' Abz is about as insightful as a magic 8 ball.
Another shit stirring task! Well, I never. Sophie didn't look too impressed with the age comment. I'd be too afraid to say anything in there in case it got repeated back. Luckily these people are too drunk half the time to zip up their mouths.
Shopping list woes. Egg gate. I don't like eggs. I've not eaten one in my whole life. I would still punch Carol in the face if she told me to shut up like that, though. Is Danielle trying to act up to stay in the house? It's not exactly Science vs Derek, is it? 'Are yer mad?' etc. What's the point? Your ship has sailed, I'm afraid, Danielle. Right back to Ireland.
Louis: 'What's her name again, the one who's going?' Ha. Danielle has double denim on. It must be an Irish thing.
Courtney is going to give Lauren her email. Not her phone number, note. There's something very tragic about Lauren. Is it a winning tragedy? I don't know. But my boyfriend put a fiver on her.
Oh, is it the eviction already? That wasn't much of a build up of suspense. Well, Danielle was guaranteed to go over actual famous people. What is Janice wearing? She looks like a bolero dancer. This is going to be the most boring interview of all time. Even more boring than Sam's.
She has a kid? I didn't even know that. Why did they even put her in the house when her stupid show hasn't even been aired over here? I'd understand it if they stuck Gary from BB Canada in there or Rachel from BBUS, because they're massive personalities and they're part of Big Brother. This thing is just a drip. She's just a stuck up, boring cow.
Hold on, what's this mystery thing Danielle did for Sophie in Dublin, as if we don't know, sniff sniff? Haha, no wonder Sophie wanted her out! What 'FREEBIE'? Perhaps botox is a code word for charlie in Ireland. Come into my botox clinic, you'll come out with a numb face and an empty wallet.
I really don't like this Danielle and I'm glad she's gone. She's not down to earth, and she seems to have a nasty streak. Where did they dredge these 'best bits' up from? At least she said she wanted Lauren to win. Bye bye. I'll miss your onesie. That's about it.
Oh, a twist. Sigh. Ron is being a bit of a big head. He would have been happy to be voted out!? Stop talking.
Oh God, now they get to nominate. Boo. Why is Louie saying 'you know'? I hope it's him.
Ron wants to put Lauren, the only transsexual housemate, up! Surprise, surprise. I'm glad Janice is arguing with him! She wants to put Louie up! Haha, he must be shocked. Oh no, not the 'vote me out' spiel. I hate it the most. Go if you want to go! No one's forcing you to stay!
Phew, glad Lauren got saved by a whisker there. Aren't we going to see the reaction after? Ah, Ron looks embarrassed. He must know they know. What the fuck is that scrunchie in Sophie's hair? I mean, a scrunchie?! Really?
Get Louie out! I want to see him do an Andrew Stone. No, not punch a woman he's pretending to fuck. Skedaddle.

Tuesday, 27 August 2013

Celebrity Big Brother 2013: You're a particular market

Sorry I've been awol. I've been out and then I've been ill, plus I hate this show. I just watched some live feed and couldn't decide who to strangle first; Carol, Janice, Les, rubbery Danielle or Louie. When your favourites are Lauren, Courtney, Screech and Abz, you know you're in trouble. Also, take heed that I predicted Ron would say something dumb in my last blog. Mind you, that doesn't exactly make me Alison Dubois.
I honestly can't remember a more unlikable group in the house. Even the people I 'like', I can barely tolerate.
I read somewhere that Danielle said she's 32. I'm 33 and she looks old enough to be my mum. Not a great advert for botox. Carol McGiffin is odious and clearly an alcoholic, so she'll probably win it. She makes Denise Welch look civillised.
I don't think they should have played the cult footage into the house. Just typical boring shitstirring. I'm glad they didn't put Courtney up, though. She would have been an easy target. I like Courtney, she has a sort of cartoon charm.
Janice is a sore loser, a drunk and talks to the camera. Plus she keeps going on about nominations. The makers of Zeo must be furious than Janice is drinking it. At least Louis is calling her out on her behaviour, and she hasn't got a word to say in return. I guess her and Les didn't have to do much acting after all.
Aw to Lauren saying she'd never had a friend. I don't mind Lauren; she looks like a mad auntie, but that's alright. At least she's eccentric. Abz and Lauren should get their own gardening show.
I'm sure Louis would be like 'so what' if he was put up - not. He'd be gutted! Having said that, I've never seen so many sore losers about being up. It's the game. Get on with it. Janice is bitter.
Oh God, not a task where they rank themselves again! Ha, lining up in age order. This should piss a few people off. Is Danielle older than Dustin? She sure looks it. I'd say he's got it spot on.
Ha, now they have to line up in order of hotness. Lauren's deadpan face when Louis said 'you're a particular market' to Lauren. I love the fact Lauren thinks she's a goddess. Ha, Sophie looked SO pissed off that she was lower than Carol. Charlotte the sexiest? God help us! I'd rather have sex with a pig in lipstick, it would probably have better manners, and definitely better conversation. Dustin was quite high, too. Ron is sexier than Janice?! Ouch. Courtney didn't look too impressed either. Danielle was lower than Bruce, lol. Poor Lauren at the bottom.
I don't buy this 'Charlotte's naive' act in the DR, either. It's all an act! Her whole personality is contrived.
Honestly, Danielle thinks she's so entitled to be in there! No one has a clue who she is, and she seems like a total arsehole! Just STFU and be glad you're even in there; you don't deserve to be.
Ugh, I hate these eating tasks! It shows such a lack of imagination. It's not I'm a Celeb! I can't bear it. Are cream crackers really that hard to eat? It's just regular food, isn't it? Dog food is appropriate for that thing from Geordie Shore. I don't get these tasks, they're just not pleasant to watch. Gross.
This cuckoo task is so weird, too. I think the task team have actually gone on holiday.
OMG just when I thought I could hold my dinner down they show Lauren doing Ron's feet. I can't even bear to look at feet, not even my own, which are reasonably bearable. I'm glad when summer's over so I don't have to look at people's wonky toes shoved into sandals. Sickening. I can't STAND people touching my feet. My natural reaction when someone touches my feet is to kick them in the face. I couldn't go out with a foot fetishist, that's for sure.
Is Carol really lecturing Charlotte on drinking? Funny.
Ha, I'm glad Louie is being rude to Danielle because she's being a total psycho. He's very frank, which can be hurtful, but at least you know where you stand. I actually hate Danielle now. What's the point of her? Also, that skull cardie she's wearing looks like it's off the market.
Sophie want to walk out with her 'integrity intact.' Good luck with that.
Why are they giving the celebs so much booze?!
I liked Courtney warning Danielle when she was bitching about Louie and he walked in. Danielle KNOWS she's going because it's vote to save and no one knows who she is.
How drunk is Mario making a run at Sophie? Nice try, kiddo.
Oh God, Charlotte's not going to shit herself, is she? Carol doesn't like it when someone else in the house is drunker than her! She's probably jealous.
Courtney's my favourite! She's almost wholesome in a weird way. Courtney FTW. Everyone else: for the torture chamber.

Saturday, 24 August 2013

Celebrity Big Brother 2013: How long have you had your vagina?

I am absolutely hating this CBB so far. I really can't stand this Charlotte girl, like so much I could almost stop watching. Her and Louie both make my skin crawl, but at least he makes me laugh from time to time, she just makes me ashamed to be human. I don't watch TOWIE and Geordie Shore for a reason. I hate 'constructed' reality shows. I watch reality shows to see reality.
Fucking hell, man, have Sophie and Lauren just woken up? They look like hell. So far this show is young people being annoying and old people being sanctimonious. What a winning formula.
It's not interesting that Danielle is slagging off the people from her TV show, as no one in this country has seen it. She is a complete fail as a housemate.
OMG Louie is so rude! 'How long have you had your vagina? Well, it has been used, then' to Lauren. He's too blunt. No straight person would get away with talking to her like that so I don't see why he should.
My boyfriend actually laughed when that idiot woman farted. I'm disappointed in him. I cannot stand toilet humour or people who go on about shit and piss. I don't even like talking about sex. We are British; let's retain our manners! I'm serious.
I can't believe all these questions they're asking Lauren about her sex change. God, it's such a personal thing! I really find it so impertinent. I think she's putting up with it well.
Are the cult members really going to nominate people on the basis of who's washing up cups? Louis is either on or zoned out. There's no in between, which is hardly surprising. No one can be like that all the time.
Is Abz really boo-wooing about having to sing the same songs 'over and over'? My heart bleeds! He's even dismissing his fans as 'mums'. What a dick. No wonder Norman Five walked.
Describing your breast implants as 'like changing the wheels on a car' is quite dehumanising, isn't it? But that's the whole point, I suppose, to make women into dolls.
When did Lauren have a Rolls Royce? I like the way Sophie is being with Lauren, she's being quite kind to her. I don't mind Sophie, actually.
Mario has a thing about Carol, doesn't he? Watching him and Charlotte talking is clinically proven to deplete your braincells by osmosis.
I hate the way Charlotte just says things to shock like about 'sucking her boyfriend's willy.' WOW, you give BLOWJOBS? What a modern woman!
I like Screech the most so far, and I don't even like him much, but at least he seems more intelligent that the others, and he has more interesting stories.
Ron doesn't want to be there and is just killing time for the money. I can't stand housemates like that, it's such a waste. You never get anything out of them. I'm glad they put him up. He's the ultimate floater.
Why is Abz just sitting in the corner not saying hello to everyone when the cult members came in? Mario is onto them immediately. He's the new Dan.
The best part about that idiot punching the cake was no one noticed and she had to announce the fact she'd done it. I'd be pissed off if she'd done that and I was in there. has Charlotte mentioned that she pisses and shits? SO DO ALL HUMANS. SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Ron is so fake. It's obvious he can't stand Louie or Charlotte but he's pretending he likes everyone. It's totally transparent.
Has Sophie mentioned she's in recovery? First the lying, next step, shovelling coke up her nose. It's a slippery slope and Big Brother could be to blame.
Carol is LOVING giving Louie the skinny on Ron! Did she just say the N word?! Fucking hell! Emily got kicked out for that. Oh, they are pulling her up on it. I know she was quoting him but saying that word on TV (or at all) is wrong. But the weird part is, they bleeped it out when Carol said it, but not when Big Brother said it. I'd rather not hear that word at all, to be honest. Very unpleasant.
Ron saying 'I'm having to keep a lid on a lot of things' says it all. 'Grin and bank it' sums him up. All he wants is the money. Useless housemate, and potentially a horrible man. It's a matter of time before he says something offensive. Give him the red card.

Friday, 23 August 2013

Celebrity Big Brother 2013: What is Newcastle, is it a club?

Well some of my friends seem more enthusiastic about this lot than I do ie. they've heard of some of these people. 
I hope they edit this well, especially the cult bit, as it was a complete car crash last night. Is it right to trivialise the serious matter of cults? Oh, who cares. 
That was convenient that someone mentioned The Green Mile that Courtney's husband was in.
Lauren is so weird. I can't bear her. She must be on some meds. Why is she doing roll eyes at everything everyone is saying? Wouldn't you be excited to be in the BB house at last? 
It's so obvious that Courtney is going to go up! They should have put HER in the safe house. What's the point in paying big bucks (presumably) for yanks, then putting them at risk? I've heard it's vote to save again now, so that should help.
Ooh Janice is tearing a strip off Charlotte. She downed a glass of champagne and then poured herself another one. What an arsehole. Don't fuck with Janice! Is she going to do a Vinnie Jones aka take control the kitchen?
My friend agreed that Carol looked coked up. OMG Louis Spence is being transphobic! And so it begins.
Charlotte is just pure crass. I think being obnoxiously crass is more offensive than pretending to be thick.
Who's the most famous? Courtney: 'the Americans!' 
Wow, Charlotte is SO rude. RUDE. ARROGANT. DISRESPECTFUL and so on.
Janice was smoking in that bed in the live feed! Keeping it proper Corrie style.
Can someone poke Lauren with a stick? I'm not sure she's got a pulse at this point. 
What does 'she's so porn' mean? Courtney: 'Where's the pool?'
I like the way that Charlotte idiot has latched on to Ron. 'Just tell us if I ever annoy you.' OK. How about now?
I love the 'aren't we all getting on great' talk after an hour. Funny, that.
I don't mind Sophie, even though she's an arsehole, at least she says what she thinks. I think Louis needs to watch his mouth or he could get kicked out.
Courtney's voice is SO annoying the way it goes up at the end. I'm trying to work out who's more annoying out of her and Charlotte. I think I'd less like to be stuck in a lift with Charlotte. 
Ron is being a gent about the beds. Courtney is waiting for someone to designate her a bed. Ha, she picked a double. Bad move.
Is Lauren crying? Lucky she's not been paid per word. 
Don't put the bunny in the mangle! He's going to come out like roadkill. Oh, dear.
The dolphins called, they want Courtney back. There's two Screeches in that house.
Oh, the rape suite has been turned into a bathroom, but we remember! We remember.
Louis is cruel laughing at Lauren saying her body is perfect. At least it's good she feels that way, even if no one else does. 
LOL to Charlotte saying she thinks Janice is a stupid cow (behind her back, of course).
I've never heard about this 'international media storm' around Courtney, so I highly doubt if Ron has. He looks like he's falling asleep.
So here's who the housemates are going to put up. Well, one of them. OK, there put up three possibilities (my boyfriend doesn't understand this part). Louis wants to put Ron up! Good move. Sophie put Courtney up as a potential. Why has Lauren got it in for Carol? Has she had a run in with her in the past? She described Carol as miserable and not very forthright! WTF. Lauren and Louis are trying to take out the big fish. 
I like that woman's pug onesie. Well, I like the print, I hate onesies.
Where has Abz's hair gone? Abz doesn't like Mario. DID Mario blank him? It would have been good to have a flashback on that. 
I don't like this 'boys will be boys' talk, it's grim. Cheated 'seven times'? Lovely.
Abz is one of these 'spiritual' idiots, isn't he? What's he been smoking?
Talking of smoking, I'm not sure you should smoke in those robes, they look highly flammable. Why is Sophie being so prudish about Courtney? Charlotte is not 'intriguing'. She's gross.
OMG! Did Carol REALLY just comment on someone's age gap?! What a MASSIVE hypocrite! 'I'm not judging her, but...' Fuck me, Carol is rough. What has it got to do with you, what other people do? Mind your own business!
Mario is eyeing up Carol's legs! Hilarious. I can just imagine Carol's boyfriend throwing his shoes at the TV. Carol seems quite keen on Mario, too. Danielle: 'that's not relevant to us.' I think Carol will make her own mind up. 
Lauren's entrance was amazing! The way she staggered out of that cupboard was ace. Carol quizzing Lauren immediately! Sophie's in. 'Hi, nice to meet you x 10.'
Louis' entrance is understated as ever. Cool, they put Ron up! That's what's best for the show, as far as I'm concerned. A Judas kiss from Louis! LOL to him going 'great tits' to Courtney. 
I just realised I might be spelling Louis wrong. Is it Louie? Oh, fuck. Never mind. This is what happens when you have a Twitter amnesty. You don't know basic spelling.
This story about the public voting doesn't stack up! They wouldn't put Ron up anyway, not with all the football idiots in this country. Plus people don't just arrive and then there's a vote, that's not how it works. Very fishy! 
I want one of those chocolates. Good night.

Thursday, 22 August 2013

Celebrity Big Brother 2013: Launch night

There I was moaning about too much Big Brother, then on the two days it wasn't on, I got bored. I miss Dexter, ha. I don't like the celeb version as much as the normal version, but hey ho.
Let's see what A list stars they've got lined up, then.
First up, Louis Spence. I cannot STAND him! His lisp drives me nuts. Bring back Andrew Stone! He's enough to turn a gay man straight. No 'scrote hanging out though', so that's something. Are they going to put in Jim Davidson next? I heard he got off his sex charges.
Ha to Louis going 'Thank God they got rid of the eco shit' and tidying up!
OMG Lauren Harries is next. She gets on my nerves. I used to like her when I was a kid and she was the little antiques dude. She looks so old! How old is she? She needs to sort that lippy out. Who's next, Helen Lederer? Some other person of BOTS we don't like? Fuck me, look at her boobs! She's got Big Brother eye earrings. Illuminati. Lauren 'are you single and ready to mingle'? Let's hope not.
Well, so far I hate these two people. I think my boyfriend just said 'imagine if you fancied Lauren Harries'? I'll get him to clarify this comment later on our podcast.
I feel like Sophie Anderton has already been in there. Oh, she was the jungle. I think she was a cow. 'You may remember me for the Wonderbra advert.' No, most people who've heard of you remember you from being a coke head. I don't think jungle people should be allowed in BB. It's like Corrie and Eastenders. Never the twain shall meet. Ugh, I hate everyone. If I was Sophie and I walked down those stairs and saw that pair I'd walk back up again.
Louis has clearly been watching the show as he knows about the eco stuff and knows where the Diary Room is. Ooh, they've jazzed up the DR chair. It's gone gold. I'm laughing at Louis is despite myself.
Lauren doesn't know what a cult is. It's where you go to drink the Kool Aid. Give her an extra large cup.
Louis is obsessed with cushions! Louis knows about the illuminati. OMG they're putting robes on. Are they going to drink some babies blood?
Louis 'doesn't drink normally.' I'm officially watching how much he drinks from now on.
OMG Les and Janice! Where's the horse fleece?! Are they one housemate?! Don't let Les drink, he's an alkie! I saw him on Jeremy Kyle recently. Where's Rosie Webster? Where's Chris Fountain? Put your money down now on Les getting kicked out. Oh, they are individual housemates! Janice FTW. I can't stand him but I like her.
Janice is impressed with the Aga. They don't have those in Corrie.
Next in is Courtney Stodden. I don't even know who her husband is, let alone her. She's missed her lips with the lipstick. I like the American housemates, though. She's going to be confused by Les and Janice. She looks emaciated. She looks like she's going to topple over with those boobs. Why is she getting booed? She seems to be having a problem with her boobs. I think they're trying to escape. OMG you can see her knick knocks! Wow. Keep it classy.
LOL to Janice telling her she had lipstick on her teeth! What a trouper. I heart Janice. My boyfriend is moaning about the people. But the people are always shit. What is he expecting?
ABZ! Of 5ive fame. He said he a sugar mommy on the Big Reunion. Why does he talk like a 12 year old boy? He doesn't like people talking shit? Curious. He's got an eye on his t-shirt too! Not liking his facial hair. Ha to him saying he needs the money and lives with his Auntie. He does not, he lives on a farm! 'I'm from a pop band.'
Aw, it made Courtney feel bad being booed. Why are we making guests in our country feel bad? Courtney's hair is like candyfloss.
Why aren't the cult leaders saying anything? Or I can't hear them saying anything. Lauren doesn't appear to be saying a word.
Who the fuck is Danielle Marr? Johnny's bad enough. Dexter is more famous than her. What the hell is Dublin Wives? I hope they evict her. She seems like an arsehole and she looks like Claire from Steps' mum. She looks like she's got a bridesmaid dress on. But the bride hates her.
Next up is Screech from Saved by the Bell ie. Dustin Diamond. Wasn't he in a porno? I am too young for Saved by the Bell. He looks very different to when he was younger. He's going to struggle to understand what Abz is saying. I sure do.
I like Janice's hair colour. She does look skinny!
The cult lot are not even watching this show, they're talking about bloody eye masks!
I don't watch Geordie Shore so I don't know who Charlotte Crosby is. I liked her 'orifices' speech! She seems like a good laugh, haha. Peeing, shitting, pubes. She's like the opposite of Mary Berry. I think she's got bladder incontinence. She could be the new face of Tena Lady. 'She doesn't ever wear a bra'. She needs to. They'll be round her ankles!
Janice is being rude about Charlotte already! They've given them warm booze? How rude. Stick it in the freezer. Like Jay McKray's poo.
Oh no, it's someone from TOWIE. Just what we need - another Kirk Norcross. At least I know who Arg is. I don't know who this guy is. He looks like he's dressed as a bridegroom. He'll get on well with that bridesmaid. He's not doing very well with the questioning. 'I'm a mummy's boy.' OK then.
Lauren Harries is good, isn't she! She could be the new Spiedi at this rate.
Oh Lord, when Carol McGiffin is one of the most famous people in the house, you're really screwed. At least she's better that Denise Welch. Mind you, that's not hard. Carol is modelling a dress from the hunchback collection. LOL she's drunk! She's acting the goat. I think she's on coke. She rubbed her nose as well!
Everyone is calling Dustin 'Justin'.
I can't hear a word the people in the 'safe house' or whatever it is are saying.
Finally it's Ron Atkinson. Does he really need the money? I can't stand football so I'm not interested. I could see him and Bruce teaming up and being a pair of old misery guts. Didn't he get pulled up for saying something racist and/or sexist? Or am I confusing him with some other fusty old football dude?
No one is even saying hi to people when they walk in! How rude.
This is a bunch of bullshit.
Ron Atkinson and Mario look like they're going to be firm friends. Kill me now.
Oh here's the 'twist'. Who's the most famous housemates? What scale are we using? I'd say Ron and Les or Janice. Then Carol.
Oh they've gone for Les and Janice. Geordie Shore isn't happy. They've got to sleep in the garden. Is that the best they've got? Janice and Les should be used to sleeping together.
Oh, dear. I am not liking this lot AT ALL. Who is there to root for? I have a bad feeling about this series. I don't feel excited! Shame as the cast for the 'civilian' series was so good, except the winner, obviously. Not that I'm still bitter! Listen to our podcast in an hour or so for a wrap up the real Big Brother and some bile about this bunch of dickheads.

Monday, 19 August 2013

Big Brother 2013 final: The journey ends here

Just rang up for Dexter three times from my mobile and three times from my burger phone. My boyfriend bet on Dexter at 25/1 when he was drunk (my boyfriend) and his name was dirt (Dexter). He gets £500 if Dexter wins! That's not why I want Dexter to win, btw. But it's an added reason! Because it will keep me in finery! 
Where's Sallie! Probably in the tattoo removal parlour. You think Michael would have shown his moley face. I hate his attitude towards the show, and yes, I know he's an ACTOR. I just think he's a DICK, too. Or perhaps he was just playing a dick? No, he was a dick. It would have been cute for him to show up and they could have slipped him a few quid. He just thinks he's above it all. Well guess what, Michael. The crew still saw you on the toilet. Eat that. No, don't eat it. 
Oh, Charlie, stop trying to fuck with Dexter's head on his LAST DAY. 
Ha, they are showing this bit where Sam kind of confessed he loved Gina. It was VERY interesting on the live feed last night. They've not mentioned it, but he was off his face. Loving Gina without her hair extensions! She looks cute. Why is Gina saying 'we might not see each other again' after tomorrow? Because her boyfriend won't let her? She actually dealt with him quite nicely on the live feed. To be fair, he was so sick, he was throwing up. I think he was trying to pay her a compliment. It just went a bit wrong. People going 'he's a game player' because of that are out of their minds. It was probably his most honest and interesting moment.
Slide show! They've really pushed the boat out. Can't they show them some clips instead? UGH, there's moley Michael. 
Oh God, they're kicking someone out already. Please let it be Charlie or Sam (or the twins, to be honest). Gina's roots look a bit orange. If I went to the hairdresser and came out with roots like that I would be BATHING in purple toner. Who did their hair? Is Lee Stafford to blame? Surely not. He has a good range of products for blondes (sponsor my podcast if you like, Lee).Couldn't someone have sorted Charlie's two tone disaster out? It's begging to be one colour! 
Ha, were they chanting 'get Charlie out'! In the final! Cruel. And she's out. Oh I think she HAS had her hair done. But it looks the same?!
Charlie, it was NOT a love triangle. I hate the fact she's slating Dexter at the last minute. Maybe she is right about Dexter, though. I mean, artificial insemination? Maybe he IS gay. Who cares, though! Dexter is entertainmentz. Dexter is Exitainmentz! 
Get off the stage, Charlie. You're boring. Charlie wants to see Sam win. Zzzz. How can she say that when she's spent every second with Dexter lately?! Did Dexter say Charlie was 'stylish' in that clip? That's the funniest thing I've heard all night.
Gina and the twins wedged on that little sofa. LOL.
Oh God, next one out! Jack and Joe! Yes! They didn't look shocked. That cunt crowd shouting 'Get Dexter out.' Boooooo! 
Gina looks like she's pissed herself. She's got a massive stain up the back of her dress. Jack and Joe's pointing pose was the lols. 'You raise me up'? I thought they asked for Jessie J's 'Wild'! (However that goes). Sack someone!  
I just accidentally voted for Dexter another three times. I want him to win it so much! He's clicking his pen, bless him. Hold on, why has Dexter got a pen in there? You're not allowed pens in Big Brother! Gameplanner, etc. Oh, someone said it's a keyring. 
I am sooooooo peed off they're putting on this dome jizz in the middle of BB, even if it does have Hank in it. I do want to watch that show but NOT tonight. I want to watch the BB final and not go to bed at 1am! 
I have warmed to the twins... oh, until they started slagging off Dexter. They've gone all sassy! Boo. I was right about them all along. Not liking 'deep conversations' is PATHETIC. Charlie's conversations are not deep, though. They're just drivel. 
The twins slag off Dexter AGAIN! They are so bugging! Lower your tone and strengthen your comedy routine. It needs a LOT of work. At least they didn't mention food in their interview, or did they? 
HA, Emma saying 'they are really nice boys.' Put a sock in it, Emma. 
None of the three finalists sitting together! Shocking. Can't believe the negative chants for Dexter. Arseholes.
OM-Gina! Gina is third! Gina didn't look shocked to leave, either. It was Hazel that did for her and it serves her right. Calling Hazel a 'whore' was the last straw. She was swanning round like she owns the place. Gina is getting boos, too. 
Gina was so lucky to survive that first week. Ha, Emma mentioned her washing up a cup. I'm glad Gina didn't win. But I wish she'd come second. She deserves it over Sam and then some. Still slating Hazel! Tragic. I hope Hazel gives her a slap at the after party. You could have been one of the best winners, ever, Gina.  
I can't see Dexter and Sam holding hands in the final minutes, can you? 
Ha, Gina 'everyone knew' about Sam saying he had a crush on her. I thought she was quite dismissive of him.
I think it's so cruel to make Sam and Dexter sit there waiting for an hour whilst they show some Stephen King drama. It's like putting on the Langoliers in the middle of a football match. I mean, I will watch the show, but I'm not going to be forced to watch it now. Motherfuckers. 
God, we really need this £500, you know, we're brass. (Notice I've claimed half already) If Sam wins, I'm probably going to cry.
Honestly, it is virtually IMPOSSIBLE trying to avoid spoilers! So many people are going to have this ruined for them. I think it's especially ironic after a couple of years ago they dumped the live feed and said people preferred to get updates via social media. Well if people prefer to get updates via social media tonight then the show is going to be ruined for them. It shows a complete lack of respect for the fans and for the show. I find it offensive. Also, by the time they get on BOTS they'll have been chilling for half an hour. I prefer my housemates like rabbits in the headlights, don't know about you.
And we're back. I've got a really bad feeling about this. Really bad. As they say in the Big Brother house, I'm not gonna lie. I'm shitting myself. The public have made the wrong decision so many times. Denise. Ulrika. Paddy. And that's just the celeb series. 
I can't believe they're plugging their hashtag. Arseholes! Do not type that hashtag into Twitter. I bet literally thousands of people were spoilerised tonight. Thanks C5. It's a shame as it's been a great series, and it's a cheap and tacky way to end it.
Dexter vs Sam. Damn. Why do I feel like I'm going to be saying that in a minute?
I feel sick. Dexter's not got his Tuco shoes on. Boo! They both look like they're gonna crap themselves. 
Oh no. Oh no, Sam did it. FUCK! I'm so sad. I am seriously so sad. And not just about the money. It's just an injustice. 
Aw, Dexter was too cute going 'thank you so much.' The twins sour faces! Fuck them. I wonder how close it was. Ha to people going ssssssss at Dexter.
Look at the way he's sitting in that chair. Such a badass. This is SUCH a disappointment. Probably the most disappointing winner ever. 
We missed out on Dexter's face. I missed out on champagne. This is just the worst. My boyfriend is going to kick something! So much for the journey! Dexter missed his stop. 
I feel like I'm going to puke. I honestly don't want to watch this. Sucks soooooo bad. I don't know how Emma can maintain the rictus grin. 
I can't even understand what he's fucking SAYING! Did Sam's rubbish jokes win it for him? Or was it his casual sexism? They didn't mention Jemima in his interview, I notice. 
I just broke the news to my boyfriend over the phone that he lost his bet. His response? 'We'll have to go and do some crime instead.' I actually cried as I was telling him. So close. Sooooo close. That was like telling him someone had died. Someone we weren't that close to, but even so. 
I'm going to think of Sam when on my days off this week and I'm drinking own brand redbull and Glenn's vodka instead of CHAMPAGNE. You BASTARD! 
PS: No podcast tonight as he's working, but we'll do a sad little wrap up along with the CBB launch show. See you then! It's been emotional. 

Sunday, 18 August 2013

Big Brother 2013: I thought you were obnoxious and really strange

It's almost over! WHY is it ending on a Monday? I don't even get paid until Tuesday so I can't even have a drink when I watch it ON MY OWN because my boyfriend is working. Boo to the schedulers.
Why do all these girls go to bed with their make up on! I know they're on telly but your skin! No wonder Gina's got bad skin. I go to sleep with my make up one when I'm drunk, don't get me wrong. Ah, then Gina wakes up and trowels more on. Can you imagine sleeping with her? You'd be covered in it.
I wish Dexter would STFU about Charlie, but it's a bit late now. I know it hurts his game, I only hope it's not fatal.
Press conference! I'm glad Sophie's gone so we don't have to listen to her try and justify her existence here.
Charlie, you don't KNOW YOURSELF. And we don't want to know you.
Dexter: that spot! Comb your fringe down, for God's sake.
Did you know Sam was deaf? He's never mentioned it!
Why is Dexter reading off a card? Journey, journey, journey. Dear Lord. Is he doing a poem? Christ.
Twins are doing a good strategic speech saying others deserve to win over them. I could actually see them coming third.
Ha, I liked the questions from 'viewers'. Charlie got put on the spot!
Ha to Vanessa calling Sam boring! How can he not know who Vanessa Feltz is? She's a Big Brother legend.
LOL to Dexter telling John McCruick he's had his day. So true!
Ha, Gina getting all uppity and posh when she was put on the spot by Judy James. Hilarious. She did NOT like that.
That's cool they've got the ex housemates asking questions, that's what they do on BBUS.
Why is Dan setting Dexter up with that question! What does Dexter need to be honest about? That makes it sound like he's got something to hide! Boo, Dan.
Why was Gina squinting at Hazel when she came on the screen? It's not about you, Gina! I like Hazel's new dark hair.
I'm glad Big Brother asked 'is there anything wrong with playing a game?' It's HARD to play a game for ten weeks, so Dexter should be commended.
I like Dexter's curly fringe he's done to cover up his spot for the evening meal! Inventive. I love Dexter's little red jacket. Gina approves of the posh tablewear.
Burping at the dinner table! That's a no no.
These schmaltzy questions are annoying. Gina to Dexter: 'I thought you were obnoxious and really strange.' Ha.
Sam's even admitting he spent half his game in bed. NOT a worthy winner. I'd like to see him out second (after Charlie) tomorrow, then twins, then Gina, then Dexter.
I don't think I've ever heard housemates say they want to stay in the house before; they're normally climbing the walls to get out.
Not more bloody messages from home! Zzzzz. I'm a soppy sod, but still.
No more watching twins in the pool! Shame.
Charlie is ALL OVER Dexter tonight! Is she drunk? Oh God, not more 'boxes' talk. The Weetos are getting good product placement here. God, poor Charlie, from Callum chewing her ear off to Dexter chewing her ear off. Not that she seems to mind.
What's with the plinkety piano music? It's like when they have children with degenerative diseases on an episode of Jeremy Kyle.
I like it when we hear the voices, but it's better to do it AFTER the final. It aint over yet! Aw, it was kind of sad, though.
PLEASE vote for Dexter to win. His face will be worth the 35p.

Saturday, 17 August 2013

Big Brother 2013: Adapted by aliens

I'm glad Sophie went, as she gave nothing, and I'm disappointed that no one mentioned her toadying to Gina in any of the interviews. She seemed so awkward and uncomfortable on BOTS! I still don't get how she went, though. Who voted for her?
It's a shame we couldn't get rid of Charlie as well as Sophie as I would have liked to have seen Dexter without her in the last few days. She sucks the life out of him, she's a complete emotional vampire.
Gina has been 'adapted by aliens'. If only.
Dexter's chains and boxes analogy is so turgid. What's in your box, Dexter? It's probably the penny.
Why does Gina paint her face white? I bet she'd look really stunning with the right colour foundation on. Instead she looks waxy.
Genie task. I guess we're really scraping the bottom of the barrel now. Oh God, Charlie's got her top off. Groo.
Dexter and Gina singing I Will Survive. TV joy. I love them together!
Why is Dexter so sure Charlie's going home? Ah, now he's banging on about his journey in the Diary Room. Yawn.
I don't remember seeing Charlie in her bikini before. She's got a nice body, but somehow she's completely sexless. Imagine what she'd be like after sex. I bet she cries.
Oh, Dexter, get a grip. Stop actressing! I think being in the house does mean a lot to him, though. His life must be really terrible if he feels safer being in that bubble.
I don't even get why Sophie got boos. She's so dull I couldn't even be bothered to waste my breath.
Charlie's lipstick and lip liner looks more befitting to someone her mother's age. This girl is harder to get rid of than a yeast infection.
I HATE it when they go 'it's me' when they're waiting to be evicted. So bugging.
I liked the twins reaction to Sophie going. They have been making me laugh recently! There you go. I said it.
Why does Sam think it's 'unbelievable' that Sophie's gone? He's been trying to get rid of her for weeks.
Gina's not happy and I bet she's going to take it out on Charlie. I wish Charlie would shut up. I can't wait until I don't have to hear her voice again.
Everyone: 'Dexter is playing a game.' Yes, it's called Big Brother. Why doesn't someone else try it?
I hate the way Charlie treats Dexter. She's a proper mind game player. She's so manipulative and emotionally abusive! I can't bear it. 'You eyes are like two brown coins'. That's such a nasty thing to say to someone! What a bitch!
Dexter, wake up, you're never going to be with her, and for that you should be SO grateful. She's psychotic.
Oh, Sam, stop digging at Dexter. It's not your best look. Sam: 'Be more wary of Dexter.' She couldn't BE more wary of Dexter!
Gina is right in what she's saying to Dexter. He is being stupid, but to be fair, he's getting really mixed messages. Gina does well to showcase her kind side. Shame we know her bad side only too well now.
Ha, Dexter's telling Charlie basically what Gina said to him word for word. OMG what is Dexter saying? He wants to be with Charlie so much that he doesn't mind having a sexless marriage?! What is he talking about! Gina and Sam laughing at that was hilarious.
Charlie, you can't be best friends with a guy who's madly in love with you, it doesn't work like that. Gina is right, she does enjoy the attention.
I want to see Gina in a pair of jeans or a pair of jogging bottoms! Even her nightie is like evening wear.
'I truly love you, Charlie Travers' was so funny. Wish Sam and Gina has been in the treehouse for that bit.
Oh Dexter. As you said yourself, that's the way it goes... but sometimes it goes the other way, too.

Friday, 16 August 2013

Big Brother 2013: Yous have been evicted

I've heard Sam's favourite to go because Dexter fans have rallied against him! I don't believe it, though. I would actually like to see Sam go the least out of who's up tonight. But I don't really mind who goes. I'd be glad to see the back of any of them.
Hold on, Charlie's talking; now I want to evict her! Hold on, Sophie's talking, now I want to evict her! And so on. If you want to go home, there's the door(s). There's only a week to go, get a grip.
I don't think we should resent Sam for standing up to Dexter; I think we should admire him finding a voice at last!
Sam: 'If Dexter comes to me I'm going to take my hearing aid out.' Cool.
Charlie's got Freddie Krueger's hat on today. One, two, Dexter's coming for you...
Gina being shocked at the way Sam spoke to Dexter. Ha. That's rich!
Gina: 'You can get a train all the way to Manchester.' Seriously, who is she trying to kid? No one is this stupid. No one.
Gina's BFF task. Gina's hair looks like a sheep today. Gina telling Charlie she deserves to go, ha.
Charlie talking... 'Big Brother is bored.' Quite.
I liked the way one twin stuck up for the other one in the fake argument. Gina's acting is crap.
Gina, pointing is rude. But it's not the rudest thing she's ever done in the house. RUDE. ARROGANT. DISRESPECTFUL. etc. This is a bit unfair on the twins. Oh, well. They've had it their way for long enough.
Gina saying she thinks Charlie should leave! LOL. Don't take it personally, though, Charlie, ha. I couldn't agree more with what Gina's saying. 'You just go on and on and on.' No shit. Gina enjoyed saying that shit to Charlie. Full stop.
Things Sophie's done this episode: cried, cowered behind a compact, bitten her nails.
Gina's a better rapper than her boyfriend, anyway. I'm surprised she didn't rhyme 'Zeo' with 'Koh'.
Sophie looks nice tonight. Twins got booed, lol. I can't hate them like I used to, though. One is orange tonight.
I don't feel tense tonight because I don't care who goes. Twins safe and I don't even resent them for it. They've done more than Sam and Sophie. These three up now are float city.
I like Sam's jokes! I can't help it.
How come Joe's allowed to say he wants the money and it's all laughs? When Dexter doesn't, it's all grrs.
Jack and Joe pool times continue! Ha, twins did get booed. 'We're going in circles.' he says, before swimming in circles. You'll miss this sort of entertainment.
I like those jeans on Charlie, I've never seen her wear those before. Why has she got a zip under her boob? Is she breastfeeding? I don't like her saying she wants to leave! Reverse psychology.
Sophie getting booed, lol. OMG, it was Sophie evicted. Wow! Oh, Dexter! Good work, ha.
I'm surprised Sophie got evicted over Charlie. But then she is a toady. I really like her dress but I don't like her wedges. I HATE WEDGES.
Emma: 'Dexter sacrificed Sophie to save himself.' It's not like he had a choice in the matter.
Emma to Sophie: 'What have you done?' Yeah, what HAVE you done? Fuck all.
Bet they mention Sophie 'coming out of her shell'. How long does it take for a thick girl to come out of her shell? Nine weeks, I guess.
This clips package makes Sophie look a lot more interesting than she is. Sophie's interview is dull as hell, too.
The crowd are booing Gina in Sophie's interview! Ha. It would have been better to lose her on final night and have a two second interview with her. It was nice the way she talked about the twins, though. I saw a more human side to her then.
She looked much nicer when she went in! Mind you, the Big Brother house will do that to you. Dexter FTW! Let's make him click his pen to victory. I wonder if it's one of those with a naked lady in it?

Thursday, 15 August 2013

Big Brother 2013: I'll sell my soul, what is it worth?

Twist! Well, I know part of what happens (ie. I know they don't really leave), but didn't watch the video of it as the website crashed. I'm glad I don't know it all, though. No one likes a know it all.
My boyfriend likes it when the twins just endlessly list items of food, so you think he'd be enjoying this task. He doesn't seem to be though. Not the squash! That steamroller guy had a good deadpan expression.
They're getting to the twist bit early! Good. Gina is wearing her 'escort' wear and three inches of foundation.
Sophie: 'I wanna just sit here.' Well, what's new?
I needed my boyfriend to explain this task to me because I couldn't work it out! Ha. Charlie would do well to take the money in this task because she has zero chance of winning.
I love the way Dexter looks today, he's dressed like he's going to work on Wall Street.
Sam must be pretty confident he's going to win, or does he really just want to stay in for the whole show?
Dexter, how much is your journey worth?
Twin: 'I don't want to be seen as the bastard who takes all the money, like last year.' Kudos!
Dexter looked sad when he was the one with the lowest amount. Dexter's crying over getting £88,000! Strategy times.
OMG! Dexter is safe for being the least greedy. How ironic. Ooh, he has to put Gina or Sophie up. Put Gina up! He'll put Sophie up. He did. Hurrah! She deserves to go over him.
I'm so pleased Dexter is safe and I don't give a fuck what any of those weasels thing of him.
Shut up, Sam! Of course Dexter's a game player. That's why he's been so entertaining and you HAVE NOT.
I love the way Dexter sits in the Diary Room chair. I love the faces he pulls. His little finger is more entertaining than any of the others, except Gina, and Gina's blown it.
Who cares if Dexter DID want the money?! Maybe he thought his journey WAS worth £88,000. What right to they have to dig him out about it? Dexter: 'I nearly picked the pound.' Ha.
Honestly, you'd think the money was already Sam's the way he's going on. 'Makes me sick he's in the final.' 'What?' 'Never mind.' Yeah, never mind, boyo.
Dexter and Gina DESERVE to be in the final, because they've worked the hardest. Even Gina, as odious as she's been, deserves it over most of these others, because she was an underdog who fought her way to the top. It's just now she's at the top she's gone power mad.
Dexter just said the immortal words: 'If it's your time to go, it's your time to go.'
Gina's happy because he saved her. Sophie: 'That's not going to look good on him.' Oh, shut it. Who gives a fuck what you think? She's right though, it wasn't the least greedy who won it, haha.
I don't see what the others are all bothered about, unless they think they're going to win it?
I love the way Dexter's mind works! He's ALWAYS got his eye on the pound note. Always. He's running rings round these people.
Twin: 'I will boo if Dexter wins.' Shut it, fatty. I'd rather watch Dexter swanning round in his filthy onesie than you wallowing in the pool like a walrus.
Sam calling people a game player is a joke; he's floated under the radar for two months and finally pipes up in the last week or so. It's like Claire from Steps moaning at Speidi for being a game player. It's called BEING ENTERTAINING.
Dexter: 'There's more to life than zeros and noughts.'
Sam is REALLY mad. I think he knows Dexter's got it in the bag and he's twitching about it. That bellend line was alright, though. Sam is funny. But he thinks he's got some divine right to win.
It's not 'come a chameleon', twins. They're a one to talk about acting! Their whole stay in the house has been one fucking act.
Is no one happy that Dexter's got to the final (except Gina?) You think they'd be happy the money is still there, at least.
Ha, Dexter just said pretty much what I said about Sam. He should have said that direct to Sam! Love the fact he mentioned the inappropriate sexual puns, too. Dexter WOULD have given you some money towards disabilities, Sam. But not now. No, the deaf will suffer because of you. He's right about Sam not being entertaining too. He's right about everything here, actually.
I don't care who goes this week out of this lot. I'll actually save myself this money because I'm not going to vote, evict all five of them on Friday as far as I'm concerned.
Dexter FTW!

Wednesday, 14 August 2013

Big Brother 2013: Joe Swash is really nice, though

I hear there's a twist tonight. What awful thing will it be, I wonder? Someone(s) I don't like walking off with half the cash? I suppose it's not much different from someone I don't like walking off with ALL of it.
Superhero task! Callum would have liked this.
How do people sleep in those onesies? I can't even sleep in pyjamas. It's like going in a sleeping bag - too restrictive.
Is Rescue Squad the best name they could think of for this task? How long did they take to think about it? Not long enough.
There seems to be a real problem with insects in that garden. 'Help me!' They're meant to be the Rescue Squad. Not the Baby Bunch.
I guessed Gina would say she looked best in the superhero outfit.
OMG is that Dexter's willy? He's putting David Bowie's package in Labyrinth to shame. My boyfriend thinks it's padding. Twins in those outfits is not a pretty sight, either. I think one of them's got food down his cossie.
My boyfriend just said, 'I wish Gina would drop dead.' She hadn't even done anything particularly odious at that time.
That laser beam is powerful, innit? CGI, etc. I think they're just advertising food here, to be honest.
Who has taped Sam and Gina together?! This is BS. I wonder how many takes they did of this shit. They couldn't have lost that task because the laser doesn't really work. That was like a proper scripted bit of TV.
I often find I'm wanting to vote one twin out over the other. Not really. I want them both out. But I want Charlie out more. She's duller than them, and that's saying something.
When did Sam start being funny? Was he just saving it until the last week and a half?
That phone looks cheap as fuck. They've literally spent 10p on this task. It's like a BBUS task during the recession.
'If she was a cloth they'd have to wring her out first' doesn't mean someone's dirty, it means they're wet, Dexter, you dope.
'Who's Terry Christian?' Heathens! Do they not watch this show? How can you go on Big Brother and have not watched every episode of every series ever?
Sam does not look impressed that Joe Swash said he was unpopular. Ha.
These tweets are not very nice! Ha. They're quite funny. though. Damning with faint praise.
Who said these tweets?! Where's the names? My boyfriend says the tweets are too long. Someone count the characters! They should read them MY tweets.
Sam - winky expand gate!
Charlie's got done over AGAIN! I liked seeing Gina annoyed. Twin: 'clearly a fan of Hazel.' Haha.
Dexter: 'I like Sam cos he makes my winky expand' says Jeff, 85.' That was a proper laugh out loud moment.
Sam shaking his head at Dexter saying 'there's a difference between being eccentric and being a weirdo' was funny, too.
Gina always needs a new person to slag off! Sophie sits there stirring, but she'd be next on the list if Charlie was gone. My boyfriend just said he's awarding Sophie his 'Jo O Meara' award this year. Gina takes criticism WELL, doesn't she?
Dexter and Charlie on that task: water in the face and all they win is a packet of Maryland cookies. That's your 'I've scraped together 79p' option in the newsagents.
My boyfriend just said 'If I could shoot Charlie between the eyes I think she'd thank me for it.'
Here's a tip, Charlie, if Gina said 'don't say one more offensive thing to me', try NOT SAYING ONE MORE OFFENSIVE THING TO HER. It's your mouth and your brain. Engage them. Don't put that on Gina, that's your problem.
Charlie, here's a good way to start a sentence: 'No, I'm not going to say that...' I cannot STAND the way she operates. She starts shit and then plays the victim. She's even better at emotional blackmail than my mum.
Where the fuck is this twist?!

Monday, 12 August 2013

Big Brother 2013: I don't want to be somewhere I'm not wanted

I'm sure I don't look as rough first thing in the morning as this lot do. Dexter, Charlie, soaps. This has all been filler so far. This task with Sophie is like Brian Belo's 'womb people' but about a thousand times less good. My boyfriend has got his eyes closed at this point. I don't think that's a good sign. I don't think that polo shirt is really working out for Sophie.
Sam is always on about his career! BB isn't the job centre. He's pushing the deaf thing hard in the past week.
I already know who gets the free pass: nobody. That rather removes the tension.
How predictable that Sophie didn't understand what 'unanimous' meant. Aren't we tired of the ignorant act now? I'm so tired of thick people being proud of being thick, it's so depressing.
Oh God, not 'save me' speeches from everyone. Even Sam is wheeling out 'journey'. Luckily, they're all too selfish to do a unanimous vote. Thank God they didn't give it to Charlie.
LOL Dexter's crocodile tears to try and get the pass to the final. Love him. At least he said they should do a unanimous vote. Sophie selfishly just wanted to vote for who she voted for, despite the fact doing that meant nothing.
My boyfriend is fast asleep.
Hold on, did Dexter choose Sophie?! If so, why? Oh, I get it, he's trying to be a hero. Ha, Charlie's got the hump about it. Good. See this emotional blackmail stuff she's pulling now. What a cow. She's one spoilt daughter of a bitch.
Charlie: 'I don't want to be somewhere I'm not wanted.' Piss off, then.
Gina and Dexter doing a massive PR campaign here. Yeah, Gina, you've changed public perception once, and right back again. Yeah, thanks for the motivational speech, Dexter, you're Gina's third best friend in the house.
I couldn't be less interested in Dexter and Charlie. I really couldn't. I really hope she goes on Friday. I even feel like the twins deserve it more than her now.
Live face to face nominations... again. I should imagine it will be quite evenly spread. That's the first time they've mentioned the £100K, I swear.
It doesn't feel tense at all because the nominations seem quite predictable.
Charlie is completely holding up the nominations. Brilliant. We won't get to see the end at this rate. Nominate her just for being a flaky bitch. Why is Charlie wearing a teacher fleece?
She nommed the twins. Ooh, Gina told Charlie to nominate her! Brilliant. I hope Gina ends up on the block as a result. The way she just nominated is the reason she should go, she's worthless. She really has no character whatsoever.
Dexter nommed twins and Sam.
Gina nommed Charlie and Jack and Joe. She said the twins don't seem to care about Hazel being nasty to her. I wonder why they don't care!!! Fucking hypocrite. Charlie looked like she was going to cry when Gina nominated her.
Ooh, twins didn't do Gina. That's a shame. They did Charlie and Dexter. Why did they say 'well done Hazel on getting 100K'?
Sam did Dexter and Sophie, Dexter for 'playing a game'. Well, dur.
Sophie did Sam and Dexter. Does this mean they're all up, or they're all up except Sophie and Gina?
Does Sophie REALLY feel bad nominating Dexter? I'm not so sure. She wanted him out since day one.
So up is Dexter, Sophie, Jack and Joe and Charlie. Can we finally evict the twins? Or Charlie? I'm good either way. I hope Dexter isn't vulnerable this week. Hmm, interesting, they've not put up the voting numbers yet... could it be a vote to save? Here's hoping!

Sunday, 11 August 2013

Big Brother 2013: Lord have mercy

Is this shit over yet?
Mean of them to show Sophie puking in the loo, even if it was just for a second.
Oh God, Dexter, please get off the Charlie thing, this is what fucked your chances last time. Doesn't he get that? I thought he was a master strategist.
If Hazel is a hobbit, what does that make Gina? Gollum? No, she's more ET when he dresses up like the old lady.
Oh ok, for this task Marcus is telling them what to do. That's cool. Dexter: 'we need the eggs!' That's not in the spirit of the food fight. Cue an egg whistling past his ear. Ooh, someone's got hurt. It's only one of the twins, though. I love the fact the others just carry on. Ha, Gina's gone mad cos someone's put flour in her hair. She's gonna have to shave her her head at this rate.
Ha, Gina has to clean up the kitchen by herself. Serves her right. It's good for her soul to clean up. Remember when she washed up that cup and the nation was proud?
Sam and Jack's romantic stroll - lol. I think both of them are glad of the attention to be honest.
Jack doesn't know what intimate means. 'I don't have many deep thoughts.' That must be what makes you such a stellar housemate. Jack is pulling out the gay card. Don't think it trumps the deaf card, though. And neither top Dexter's JOURNEY card. That's the toppest of the trumps.
Sam: 'Do you find wasps sexual? If you could have sex with a bee or a wasp, which would you have sex with?' What goes on in this boys head?
Who the fuck is Sophie to say Hazel won't stay friend with them 'because she's a model'? Even if you did THINK that, you wouldn't say it, because it's hurtful. I think I preferred her when she was mute.
LOL that's so good making Jack and Joe tell Gina what they thought of her reaction to Gina's eviction. Zing!
Charlie to Dexter: 'You're one of my best mates.' That must make him feel really special. So they're going to force Charlie and Dexter to get off with each other? Really?
Twin worried he's not funny anymore. You were never funny.
What is Levi Roots plugging? Sauce, probably. Why am I having to watch the housemates cook? Isn't there enough cooking on TV? Lord have mercy, indeed.
Levi Roots: lovely man, doesn't really say anything. Mind you, it's better than when they sent Mohammed Al Fayed in.
If you really didn't want to kiss someone, you just wouldn't kiss them, Charlie. If Big Brother told you to jump of a cliff, would you? Actually, she probably would.
Sam is losing the plot, I think. 'I will rule the world... you could burst a balloon with that nipple.'
Why is Charlie asking about Dexter being bi? Look at Dexter twitching when she asked if he was gay. This is pure gaming on his part here. He's trying to think of what's best for his JOURNEY. Do you think Sophie and Gina are listening to this conversation? I would be.
Dexter, what is Charlie meant to do, if she doesn't fancy you, she doesn't fancy you? God, they're both talking in circles, it's unbearable.
Is Levi Roots really having a Chinese takeaway? Really?
Jack/Joe loves his job. He works in a supermarket! Aim higher, as Jeremy Kyle says.
Oh, Dexter, save it. It's the last week, stop scheming and just relax.
Face to face noms tomorrow! I hope Charlie and Gina are up. I've given up on the twins ever going and Sam and Sophie are virtually available to buy on Very they're such fixtures. So let's have one last big shock before the show ends.

Saturday, 10 August 2013

Big Brother 2013: I've broken the back of it

Hairdryer wars! Good morning. I think I can safely say now that Gina is a total prick. I would have punched her in the face by now had I been Hazel. And if I was one of the others I'd definitely tell them both to shut the fuck up.
Charlie seems to think it's funny. I personally think it's disgusting. Hazel: 'If it my time to go...' She's probably dying to get out of there away from that witch and those sheep.
WAS Hazel blowing the hairdryer in Gina's face? Was she really? I hate Gina now, and it's such a shame as she's been brilliant up until last week. Now I see the person she was on the first night is the person she really is.
Gina: 'it's hard living with someone so ghetto.' Lucky Hazel didn't say this about Gina, hey?
Dexter to Charlie on her possible eviction interview: 'Don't give them anything for free.' LOL. He's money mad.
Charlie to Hazel: 'You and your ruthlessness.' Bet she wouldn't dare say that to Queen Gina! What a wimp.
I will say something for the idiot twins, at least they stayed loyal to Hazel, even if they didn't exactly stick up for her.
Fuck you Dexter, for cynically saying you're team Gina because you know Gina is more popular. So transparent. Don't want to get involved? That's the attitude! You could be the new H from Steps if you're really lucky. I'd say Sophie can be the new Cleo Rocos but at Cleo Rocos didn't go up to Jade and go, 'Shilpa's been saying you're ugly.'
As fucked as Charlie's personality is, I wouldn't take any advice from either Dexter OR Hazel if I was her.
Sophie is SUCH a shit stirrer! 'She was calling you an ugly bitch.' Rub it in, why don't you?
UGH Gina calling Hazel a slag. She is OBSESSED with saying Hazel thinks she's something special. I think it's GINA thinks Hazel is something special. So she can't call you ugly but you can call her a slag? I despair for humanity.
I think part of the reason Gina was such a odious cow this week was that she wasn't up for eviction so she just went postal. I really hope someone's got the balls to put her up on Monday. I think she could go on the vote to evict because of how she's been.
Dexter laughing at Gina being rotten makes me sad.
Anyone who says 'hashtag' followed by anything needs putting down. The twins were driving me NUTS on the live feed last night going 'haven't we done well to make it to week x?' Just shut up!
Eviction time. Either Dexter's crying, or he's got a piece of strategy onion in his pocket.
Dexter has NOT been up every single week from the start.
UGH so gross that Gina went 'yes! Thank you public, finally.' She's all class, that girl. Never mind that the twins are sad. Never mind about anything except what Queen Gina wants.
Gina has got a black heart, seriously. I don't remember feeling this much rage towards a housemate in a long while.
Dexter to Charlie: 'Your eyes look so beautiful' and commenting on her dated Sharon-from-Eastenders style make up.
I'm glad the twins noticed Gina didn't say goodbye to Hazel and are actually saying it, albeit in the Diary Room. I haven't liked them since day 1 but it's to their credit they didn't drop Hazel when they realised she was about as popular as UKIP.
Funny how everyone's got something to say about Hazel now she's gone. Aren't Dexter and Sophie astute enough to see that Gina is digging her own grave? Seems like they both want to jump in it with her.
Gina talking about Hazel's career is a bit rich, Gina hasn't even got a job. She's a lazy parasite. Hazel has worked to get where she is.
'No guy will want to marry her, maybe some dickhead who's really desperate.' I saw this on the LF and it made me sick. Very glad they're showing it, as this bitching session went on for some time but that was the line that really stood out. She has NO self-awareness WHATSOEVER. Your future husband was on BOTS singing a song about how you love to 'ride it' Gina, so it's swings and roundabouts.
Twins, be careful what you say about Gina to Sam cos he's in her back pocket.
This self-congratulatory bit was on the live feed and got on my nerves then. 'Haven't we done well?' Dexter: 'I've broken the back of it.' That is so an expression my boyfriend would say.
I feel nauseous seeing Gina lording it in the DR now. Gina: 'I'm not stuck up.' No, you're just a nasty, bitter, jealous bully. I really hope she gets the shock of her life this week.

Friday, 9 August 2013

Big Brother 2013: Speaking on behalf of the public

Just voted to evict Charlie three times. It's worth a quid to try and wipe the smile off Gina's face. This bee task is pissing me off. Hazel to Gina: 'you put the b in bitch.' Ha.
Gina's never seen anyone stick her fingers up at her? Get used to it. Gina's even slagging off her minion Charlie. No one is safe!
Gina is being SO nasty to Hazel. I really don't like it. 'Peasants can't sit with me'? Really?
Did Emma just say Dexter's GIRLFRIEND is there!? She must be desperate, or in on the gameplan.
I can't even be bothered to comment on this boring task, they've even managed to make shitstirring boring.
I wish everyone would get off Hazel's back. It's making me feel sad inside.
This argument between Gina and Hazel was disgraceful. Gina was absolutely vicious. Calling another woman a dirty whore is vile and everyone all giggling about it is not much better. Something else that was horrible was Gina bringing the twins into it; they're Hazel's only friends in the house, plus it was hurtful to them, too.
I'm going to be really upset when Hazel goes tonight off the back off this bullshit. Gina was no better than a playground bully there. I don't get why she's still getting so much support on Twitter. What does she have to do for people to say 'enough'? I loved her, and I can't stand her now. Don't get me wrong, she's been great entertainment, but vote for her to win? I'd rather vote for the twins at this point (It actually hurt to write that).
UGH, Charlie's friend Sophie is there. 'Speaking on behalf of the public.' NO. At least some people were chanting at her. Hazel's friend should punch her. The crowd are a bunch of dickheads, and that's being polite.
Emma to Dexter's mum: 'Dexter's mum nominated the twins.' Dur. Sophie's boyfriend his kind of cute but seems thick as pigshit.
I do laugh when Gina calls Hazel 'the hobbit', though. Gina's never been called 'ugly' before. Try not calling people a 'dirty whore' then, it's quite ugly language and shows on your face.
Dexter: 'I'm receding so badly I need a hair transplant.' Ha.
Oh god, they're going to save three housemates. Please save Dexter first, not the idiot twins.
I love the fact Dexter has a pen in his hand. He's clicking it too.
UGH they saved Jack and Joe first! WHYYYYYYYY! WHY??? I swear it's Emma Willis doing it.
Yay, Dexter is safe again! Love Dexter's save face. What will his win face be like? I want Dexter to win again now, I really do. I hope he doesn't really fuck his game again this week. If Charlie goes, it will help his game.
Hazel patching things up with Charlie... hope it's not too late. I'm glad they showed that flashback of what Gina said. Hard evidence of Gina mixing! Gina's 'not bothered'. Not much. Why is she listening at the door then?! Gina is SPOILING for a fight! Who died and made her queen of the house (oh, Big Brother did).
Just felt my heart sink when Hazel got evicted. At least she gets her BOTS time and all that shit, Charlie will be out fifth and get fuck all.
Love Hazel still working it and posing despite the boos. You go girl! Professional! That smile she painted on was brilliant. Unflappable. She's hard as nails.
Oh God, now for the interview. Bet we don't get to hear a word. Please shut the eye, FFS. Oh, they did. Thank God. I'm so happy they did that, she doesn't deserve the lynching. They sound loud enough anyway.
I don't remember Daley being shown a clips package of him and Hazel? She lost the guy she liked and couldn't even talk about him for weeks afterwards, Have a heart, FFS.
Bet Emma tells her she's gone back to his GF. Notice they didn't show the ATTACK in that clips package. What a fucking joke.
Oh, how ironic that Hazel said 'it takes two to tango.' Hazel just said she thought he didn't have a girlfriend! I'm glad Hazel said Daley was the one with the girlfriend! God, where does Emma get off with the girlfriend thing?! Daley's girlfriend is Daley's responsibility! I'm glad Hazel said 'I got the blame cos I'm the girl.'
Hazel is coming across so articulate and ten times smarter than Emma. You can tell she's been waiting to get this off her chest. She even said she held her hands up! Is Emma going to mention the horrible thing Daley did?!
I can't believe they are showing the attack in the screen now! Gosh. Hazel looks beautiful tonight. Her eyes are SO blue.
Thought that was one of the best interviews ever, except the Daley subject went on too long, and (surprise) Gina's bullying of Hazel was not even mentioned. Emma threw her two or three crumbs, but the rest was just an onslaught. Sickening to see Gina lording it up now.
There's only one thing for it. Dexter FTW. Don't let me down.

Thursday, 8 August 2013

Big Brother 2013: Where's the insect repellent?

I'm not really in the mood for BB tonight! I've just been watching BBUS and the bitch they've got on there makes Gina look like Rachel Rice. Predictably I like her, though. And she got voted for eviction ahead of a racist! That's pretty bad bitchery. Gold star for her on the bitchometer.
Meanwhile, back in our BB, we've got a bee task. Cue a zillion puns.
Dexter recognises 'Flight of the Bumblebee' when he hears it. You can't say that for many housemates.
How come Gina got nominated Queen Bee? Never good to wear a crown in Big Brother. You might get a bad case of power going to your head which can see you going out the door. Which is probably why they're doing it.
Twins: 'Gina's always getting secret tasks.' I can think of more tasks those idiots have got than her.
Hopefully Charlie being Gina's minion will count against her. I see they've remodelled the electric shock suit at last. Only took them about 8 years. The bee suits aren't as ridiculous, though. Although no expense has been spared on the goth socks.
WTF is this Zeo product placement? I've never seen that drink before.
Sophie's such a little grass! She so plays both sides. She always reports back. Snitch.
I wonder if they can squeeze a few more shots of Hazel's arse in?
I can't believe they are going to bully Hazel even MORE! Charlie: 'She's going to think it's a personal thing.' Do you think?
Sam's jokes were the lols! They showed some ruder ones on BOTS.
Gina: 'Tell them to work harder.' Charlie: 'Tell them to work harder.' God, this bitch is stupid.
Charlie: 'There's been too much bad language.' Hazel: 'Fuck off.' I like the way she doesn't beat around the bush.
I'm totally on Hazel's side! 'Worst task ever.' She's probably right. Except the wresting task. Gina is being a right bossy cow - obviously.
That toilet is disgusting.
Hazel didn't say 'fucking little bitches' under her breath, she said it quite loudly. Sophie, stop being a little snitch. I hate talk of 'true colours', it gets on my nerves.
Gina: 'I would have laughed it off.' Yeah. Sure you would, Gina. My boyfriend thinks they've set this task up deliberately to get rid of Charlie.
Charlie: 'She might not like being victimised.' No, you would have thought she'd be used to it.
I'm sick of hearing about how Charlie's a caring person and a good person. 'Aw, hope we didn't pick the wrong person.' Well you picked her, you sneaky cow. She is some passive aggressive arsehole.
Hazel is rummaging in her pants.
Gina took the video message from her boyfriend quick smart! Charlie's like 'hmm'. Who wants to hear from her arsehole friend Sophie anyway?
Why didn't she hide her stinger better? I hope Gina doesn't get her video as a result.
OMG Sophie is a right little grass! 'She aint even got her wings on either!' Shut up, YOUS is a little creep.
Gina is really getting on my nerves and her toady is even worse. Luckily Gina's not up, so let's stick it to Charlie instead. Argh, Gina is really getting on my wick. This could save Hazel this week. Who spells out the 'c.u.n.t'? Only a cunt would do that. Gina's never been so insulted in her entire life. What about when Charlie called you a prozzy? Keep talking Gina, your game is going up in smoke. And I think you're giving the producers exactly what they want.
Twin: 'can you eat toothpaste?' You probably could.
Gina seemed reticent when she was on the phone to her boyfriend. Why is her boyfriend allowed to say 'stay away from Hazel to her?' She was talking all over him! That was so awkward. He should have told her to reign in her rampant ego. It would have done her more of a favour.
Is Hazel cold in the DR? She seems kind of hunched. Probably because she's BEE-ing bullied. I'm so tired of Gina going on about Hazel, I really am. She's verging on bullying, she really is. I don't know how Hazel keeps her cool.
I've never seen such a houseful of sheep falling into line. Even Dexter toes the party line now.
Hazel has cracked me up this episode: 'I have a size 10 headache.' Hazel FTW! Dance, twinnies, dance.
Hazel: 'It feels like an earthquake.'
Dexter: 'I wish it was another 30 days.' My boyfriend: 'He must really hate his life.'
Shut up, Gina, who cares what your boyfriend thinks. Charlie picking up a crumb from Gina. Every bullshit thing that comes out of Gina's mouth is helping Hazel's game. Doesn't she realise?
And the lesson for today is: let's never put Gina in charge of the world. Beeeeeee good.

Wednesday, 7 August 2013

Big Brother 2013: Peace and tranquility

Who keeps ticking my 'blah' box? *shakes fist* Luckily I'm not Charlie and won't have an existential crisis over it.
Charlie is going to play the victim HARD. My boyfriend think she's going to go. He's nuts. Hazel will go. Hazel will be strung up.
Charlie: 'I never want to speak to Hazel again.' I wish she'd ended that sentence after the first five words. 'Hazel doesn't care about me.' I don't blame her!
Why is Dexter slagging Hazel for being tough? Being tough is a good thing.
Sophie (reluctantly): 'Are you alright, Charlie?' Sounds like she REALLY cares.
Twidiot thinks three million people are watching. Who's gonna tell him?
'Charlie is deep in conversation with Sam.' That's a deposition, not a conversation. I think Sam actually hates her for what she did to Callum. Sam is BIG TIME on his end game strategy here. Doesn't speak for two months, has a go at Dexter and then comforts Charlie? He's smarter than he looks.
Is it a Charlie special today? I'm sick of looking at her miserable face. She could wilt flowers!
Please stop showing the twins in the pool! How come women have to cover up their boobies and they're allowed to show theirs?
Hazel is scoffing at the mere idea of a best friend.
Sam is strategising hard! I swear he doesn't like Charlie. He's just woken up the the fact it doesn't look good that three others have ganged up on her. He's brave standing up to Gina on this. He might not know his alphabet but he knows his own mind. Gina looks like she's actually listening to him. I think she's twigging her game could be in jeopardy.
No one is talking to Hazel! Ooh twins realised Charlie is playing the victim. But will the public?
Are Charlie and Hazel still sleeping in the same bed together?
I thought the twins were one housemate! Why do they get split up for this task?
Commentary task! I love Dexter pointing at the picture of Hazel and vomming! It's hard to fake a conversation and listen at the same time! I think it's beyond some of these housemates. Plus, wouldn't they think the commentators could hear them? It's too confusing!
Hazel to Dexter: 'you look orange and evil.'
I hate Dexter and Charlie teaming up against Hazel. Why is Gina saying sorry to Charlie? What about your boyfriend and what the mums said? I don't get why Gina has turned against Hazel again. I know it's good for for Hazel's game, though.
This dancing is TOO MUCH. These twins are also making me feel sick in the pool.
I see they're all ganging up on Hazel tonight instead of Charlie; difference is they're doing it behind her back because they're all shit scared of her.
The twins: 'our mums only see an hour.' Hold up, I thought mums don't lie! Backtrack.
Why is Charlie being so forgiving of Gina and Sophie, who lets not forget, sold her down the river? How come all the hate is on Hazel? Hazel is a hate-sponge.
Kind of a boring episode tonight. Going to be even worse if Charlie doesn't get evicted.
We did a podcast today! Listen here if you have nothing better to do: http://www.spreaker.com/user/lightupvm/big_brother_uk_callumity_bbuk

Tuesday, 6 August 2013

Big Brother 2013: Blunt as a motherfucker

Good live feed last night! I was personally happy to see Charlie get her comeuppance, although Gina came off looking like a mean girl. In fact, the main person I could relate to was Hazel, who blew her top and who could blame her (well, a thousand Twitter misogynists, but apart from those lowlifes?) What sticks in my mind is the idiot twin going 'If my mum said it, it must be true' about ten zillion times. What a pathetic little kid. Gina also said 'mums never lie' and 'mums are always right.' What about if two mums have differing opinions? What THEN, Gina? Anyway, more of this later. Probably a LOT more.
I never knew Gina had a clip on fringe! Clinge. That hair looks a lot of effort. Good colour match, though.
Hazel's starting the day off on a good note: 'I wish everyone would get the fuck out of my face.' It's only going to be up from here!
Wow, they've cut out the whole day and we're going straight to 10.30pm a quarter of an hour in. They MUST have a lot of shit to show. Cool.
Ooh I want to see these noms again. Sophie on Hazel's mum: 'she don't look nothing like you.' Hazel's mum did Gina and Sophie.
Charlie's friend is a CUNT, and a rotten little witch.
Dexter giving Sam's mum the death stare through the screen. Sam's mum nominating Sophie for not speaking properly is prejudice against commoners.
I love Gina's boyfriend! He's the best. Charlie's face when he called her sly. Ha!
I'm glad almost all of them were up. Sam and Gina wouldn't have gone anyway. Sam couldn't hear again, I noticed.
Hazel's face after Charlie's friend nominated was a picture, she looked like she'd just smelt something disgusting; probably Charlie's friend's toxic vagina.
See how quickly Gina turned on Charlie. The imbecile twins so proud they don't like deep conversations - what a pair of dimwits.
Hazel: 'your friend is blunt as a motherfucker.' I loved the way she went so Irish when she got angry. Hazel has every right to be mad. Hazel: 'I can't wait to meet her...' ...and knock her out.
Gina must have lost her mind going off on Charlie. She should think of her end game!
Twins sticking it to Charlie as well. What a horrible pair. I would take a person based on how I knew them in the house. I would consider my friends and family's opinion but I make my OWN decisions about people.
Oh no, Charlie's journey has gone back to square one! Don't tell us what we should be thinking about your time in the house. I think you're an inane, babbling, attention-seeking freak, not some innocent girl going on a journey of discovery.
Disgusting the way the all turned on Charlie in a way - even though I do think she deserves a lot of it, I don't like the pack mentality. They're ALL in the wrong. There's no one to side with because I can't stand Charlie, and the others behave appallingly. I can only really understand Hazel, who's basically been called a slag on TV, and thinks her best friend is a liar, which is bound to make you twitch.
Charlie: 'I'm misunderstood.' No, I think you've finally BEEN understood. I hate her wishy washiness. I hate her yeahyeahyeahyeahyeahs. She DOES change her opinion depending on who she's talking to.
Ooh Dexter has gone from comforting Charlie to sticking it to her a little bit. 'Conflict management', lol.
That flashback about the Callum/ Dexter task wasn't really that incriminating. I don't like the flashbacks! Or do I? Maybe I do.
Hazel got objectified by wearing a snake suit! I think she might be getting her words in a muddle.
I said two or three days ago that I wondered why Charlie was bothered whether Hazel was opening up or showing emotion or didn't and they're finally twigging about it. But Gina and Hazel suddenly becoming buddies doesn't really wash. In fact, it doesn't wash in the slightest.
Charlie's thousand yard stare last night was quite something to behold. She was backpeddling badly. 'I don't want to be here' - fuck off then. Aw, she's doing a fake cry!
Hazel looks good in those green leggings. Not sure about her padded jacket, though.
Gina properly stitched Charlie up here. Gina, you're pissing your game up the wall! What are you thinking? Just keep your head down! Laughing whilst Charlie and Hazel are fighting is not doing her any favours, either. Sophie was also enjoying stirring the pot last night.
Charlie has gone from yeahyeahyeahyeahyeah to nononononono. Oh well, at least it's something different. I think Charlie is buying her clothes in 1995. 6th form times!
Twins 'if mum's said it, you've done it.' I would rip that little twerp's HEAD OFF if he said that to me. I'd be like, 'I know what I fucking said.' How DARE HE? And people think he's arrogant? WELL, I NEVER.
Charlie: 'I don't like the idea of people not liking me.' How tragic to live your life like that. I LOVE it when people don't like me! It's her desperation to please that's at the crux of her problems.
They're actually showing quite a lot of this. The other's faces watching this argument was quite sinister. No one defended Charlie, not even Dexter. I think they've all had enough of her.
Gina is 'quite scared'. No, Gina is enjoying this bad blood. I'm imagining Gina in the school yard, taking the piss out of me right now. The way she was cackling and lording it was really unpleasant. Such a shame.
Charlie's 'poor little me, I can't stand up for myself' thing doesn't stack up either. She CAN stand up for herself and does. She just prefers to go down the pity route.
This campaign thing really seems like the most boring part of this argument. Why aren't we talking about Charlie's insane friend more?
Dexter blaming Charlie for losing his girlfriend is RICH. He's entirely to blame for that situation. Totally out of order there. It was him who decided to throw his 'relationship' away for a bit of storyline.
Ooh, Charlie's sticking up for horrid friend now, saying she nominated Hazel for a reason related to her. No. Your friend is entirely selfish, like you.
I have to laugh at the twins: 'that woman took a rude pill.' Oh no, I laughed at them twice in that one Diary Room entry. Don't tell anyone.
I like Dexter's little military jumper. 'She mugged me off professionally and emotionally.' No. You mugged yourself off, kiddo. Charlie didn't make you dump your girlfriend. Charlie lurking when they had that convo.
Gina is going for it in the Diary Room! Have they only just twigged that Charlie was an arse for nominating Callum? Come on!
This isn't the end of Charlie and Hazel's friendship because there never was a friendship. Just an unholy alliance. I feel exhausted!

Monday, 5 August 2013

Big Brother 2013: With friends like these...

I just want to to get one thing straight, boyo. This contrived argument between Sam and Sophie is boring. But at least it's not ruinous, as I suspect friends and family nominations will be.
Haha, Sophie is telling Hazel Dexter said he'd evict her. What DID Dexter say that for?! We knew it would get back to them at the moment he said that!
Look at the STATE of that toilet!
I don't care about Sam's 'journey' or Sam's emotions and I think the only reason him and Sophie are bitching at each other is because they both know the end game is in sight and they're both twitching like motherfuckers.
Shut up, idiot twin. I hate it when he has a go at Dexter. I'd evict that fat fucker and his gross brother, too. They're not fit to kiss Dexter's Tuco shoes.
Sophie, stop yapping! You're killing your game right here. Better off with that imaginary 'sweet' tag. God, imagine if she'd been like this for 10 weeks, she'd have been gone weeks ago.
You're right, Sophie, he's not sweet, and nor are you. Her mask has slipped BADLY. I wish the housemates could put her plate face up this week. How rude calling him 'a fucking idiot'. She's the one who kept pressuring him to say why he didn't like her, when he didn't, he just said he didn't connect with her. That bitch has been biting her lip for weeks now; THIS is the real person she is. Glad you kept her in over Dan?
Dexter is trying to turn things round on Sam whilst he's a bit down. He's getting it from all angles today, you poor sod.
LOL to Sam saying Dexter is 'sucking up to him'. Even Sam is pulling this 'journey' card indirectly now. Ha, Dexter said the word 'journey'. I thought Sam was quite gracious there, really. He stands his ground at least.
'Gina, has anyone ever sent you any fan mail before?' Gina: 'By post, no.' Gina is targeting Hazel again! I liked her writing the letters, though. She was the right girl for the job.
Ha to Gina calling herself 'a loyal friend' in the fan letters. Good strategy.
I LOVE the fact Gina told herself she was the best in the house. HILARIOUS! AND slagged off Hazel in it too. Subtle as a brick.
I love the fact Dexter's letter went psycho. Love, Stan. I love the fact any of them think they have fans.
I love the way Hazel deals with things! She just gets better and better and it makes Gina look increasingly petty, and I'm sure Hazel knows that, too.
Dexter has come to thank Mary Anne personally. Where would one buy a Dexter poster or t-shirt? I'm surprised Dexter isn't demanding a cut of the royalties.
It's nice the twin did a fan letter for Hazel as she never got one. I like the way she uses them for emotional support now Daley and Dan have gone. I have a feeling she won't be hanging out with them in the outside world, though.
Gina couldn't WAIT to tell them about the letters! Aw, Dexter's little face!
I saw Sophie and Gina chatting on the live feed about their families last night and it was quite nice, actually.
Friends and family noms! I'm glad Hazel's mum is there supporting her. Hazel has had nothing in the way of contact and support from her family. Hazel's mum nominated Sophie, not Dexter. Yay. Hazel looks gorgeous.
Charlie's friend nominated Hazel 'for going after another girl's man.' How fucking pathetic. What the hell has it got to do with you? It's appalling strategy as Hazel is Charlie's 'best friend' in the house. How sad to go on a personal vendetta when you should be putting yourself in Charlie's shoes and doing what she would do. That girl is a cunt. You'd be better off with Jackie nominating. It will also upset Charlie to have her friend casting aspersions like that. With friends like these, who needs enemies? I'm honestly in a state of shock about that. 'It's something I feel very strongly about.' Well I hope you just got Charlie evicted, you spiteful little shit. Ooh, she also nominated Jack and Joe. It's not all bad then! Haha, she said they were 'full of themselves.' LOL. Charlie's friend is a piece of work. Charlie has the friends she deserves.
Dexter's mum (again!): Jack and Joe, ha. They are twitching. Dexter's mum did Hazel as well. Well, these are the same noms Dexter would have done anyway. Not sure for her reason for nominating Hazel.
Jack and Joe's mum: Dexter. Surprise, surprise. Dexter's mum also did Charlie! Ha. 'She loves talking about herself.' True.
Sams mum did Dexter and Sophie. Is Sophie going to be up? She nominated Sophie for 'not speaking clearly'.
Sophie's nan nominated Hazel! Hazel is such an easy target. Sophie's nan did Sam too and said 'he's so boring he's like watching paint dry.'
Gina's boyfriend: Hazel. 'She puts to F in fake. Gina's boyfriend nommed Charlie for being a liar as well. Charlie's sad face! HA. We saw through you at last. She had a proper 'you've been rumbled face'. I'm glad Gina's boyfriend didn't do Dexter.
Hazel took that SOOOOO well. They're all up except Sam! Charlie or the twins out this week, please. Twins look mad!
Charlie doing damage control! Too late, your days are numbered. I would LOVE to see Charlie or the twins go! Please make it happen. Please. Please?

Sunday, 4 August 2013

Big Brother 2013: A mysterious transition

Sorry I wasn't around yesterday, I was in a field in Brighton surrounded by lesbians! And a good time it was too. Back in BB, I was pleased to see Gina eating a slice of humble pie, as I don't think she can win it if she thinks she's still top of the tree, and I do want her to win it. Her or Dexter, who also had a good show yesterday.
I wish these twins were gone; them and Charlie are like bringing the show down badly with their chronic dullness. Stop shit-stirring about Hazel, Charlie, pack up your eyebags and leave. I also can't stand Sophie and her dressing gown of doom.
Oh, Charlie's the new target now Callum's gone. Good. Sophie is right though, Charlie doesn't say what she thinks. Anything but, in fact. Good, I'm glad her gameplan is starting to crack. I just hope the families do what's right.
What the fuck is Charlie wearing today? She looks like a manic depressive Hula girl. She's going to 'move in together and go on holiday with Hazel'? If you say so, Droopy. Also, the way she said she wasn't going to miss Callum last night was just cruel after she'd sucked every inch of life out of him. She's an emotional vampire.
What the fuck is Charlie's problem anyway? What is it to her even IF Hazel is 'faking' being emotional? Worried someone's moving ahead of you in the race? Their 'friendship' is the biggest joke on the planet. They can't fucking stand each other.
I love the fact Dexter called himself a professional magician when actually he just worked as the demonstrator in the toy shop. I like to think of all Dexter's 'careers' in these terms. So his work in the strip club was probably just that he was a flasher. I'm glad they're giving Dexter a good task though, and we don't have to put up with Callum frowning and gurning throughout. I love it when Dexter is lording it over the others!
Does ANYONE believe Sam is sweet anymore? Dexter just said Sam's catchphrase is 'any hole's a goal.' Why haven't we seen him say that? Oh, doesn't fit with this bullshit sweet storyline. The fact is, neither Sophie NOR Sam are sweet little innocent babies.
Hazel being stitched up AGAIN, I see.
I wish Dexter could make half of the housemates disappear permanently. Dear Lord, do they really think Sam has been evicted on Dexter's whim? They ARE paranoid!
Why is Sam getting to see what the others are saying? This is such engineered storylining from BB. Is that twin allowed to tell them that Dexter plans to nominate Sam? Sam looks like he's crying! No Callum in there with some comforting words, either.
I'm glad Sam saw Gina sticking up for Sam. Dexter: 'He's got no mates anymore' lol.
This is a bit of a stitch up for Dexter, although I guess he should know better than to start mouthing off in that situation. I don't like the way Sam is coming out and digging everyone out. He's an idiot. They basically had to poke him with a stick to even get him to react. Still 'coming out of your shell' after two months? Get to fuck.
Dexter took time out of his busy schedule to come talk to you, Sam! Where's the appreciation? Dexter is overplaying his hand here. I don't even consider that part of the show, it was just such blatant storylining, trying to get something to happen.
Friends and family nominate tomorrow, I assume? God help us. I have a feeling it's going to be the week we lose Dexter.